Lekker: Sriracha Butter

Look, I really don't care who you are or what you think you've done, you haven't lived yet until you've had sriracha butter.

It's true.

Even though Google is putting that squiggly little red line underneath "sriracha" like it's not a real word, it totally is and if you haven't heard of it yet (have you been living under a rock?) it's an Asian hot sauce. It's the one in the bottle with the cock on it.

No, seriously.

See?

My coworker Monkey Boy never shuts up about this stuff, he'll put it on everything--burgers, eggs, vegetables, open wounds, whatever. I on the other hand am honestly not much of a spicy-loving person; I don't see the point of torching your mouth to tatters during a meal. Why?!

This stuff is different--the perfect balance of spice, smokiness, kick and rich flavour that truly does go with just about everything. I particularly love it on eggs, as THIS, sriracha butter. The original recipe is from food goddess and source of all everything Martha Stewart, but I use anchovy paste to make my life simpler so here's how I make it:

Sriracha Butter
Makes 1 stick of butters' worth. Because you're using 1 stick of butter.That's how this works.

What You Need
1 stick of butter, softened (if you use unsalted like I usually do since that's what I have around for baking, make sure to add salt to taste too; the BEST butter and the king of ALL butters is Kerry Gold Irish Butter, so if you really want to be stellar you should use that)
1 clove of garlic, minced (yes, it's *raw* garlic in the butter; are you really gonna make that into a problem? If you're that afraid of raw garlic and your breath or whatever, you could sautee it for a few seconds I guess but now you're just making your life complicated--just have your boyfriend or whatever eat the same stuff and presto, you guys can both stink...although personally, I can't get down with someone who doesn't like garlic in the first place and that's a pretty real barometer of how I choose to date people.)
1 good squeeze from a tube of anchovy paste (God here we go again with the need for actual measurements...okay, I'd say I probably use about 1/2 a teaspoon. It doesn't taste fishy AT ALL, I promise--anchovy paste just adds an awesome depth of flavour to pretty much anything you care to throw it in.)
1 tablespoon sriracha/rooster sauce
Couple of turns from a fresh pepper grinder

What You Do
Mush it all together with a fork. Presto! Don't you love easy recipes? Impressive with so little effort.

As I said, I love this on eggs--I make an open faced fried egg sammich with two slices of whole wheat toast smothered in sriracha butter. On one side I layer a sliced avocado with plenty of salt with the egg on top; on the other side I stack fresh tomatoes topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and the other fried egg. Heaven. I've had this schmeared on corn too--also heaven. On steak? RIDICULOUS. Asparagus? You know it.

On steak. Oh yeah.

Liquor: Intense Dark & Stormy

This isn't a real post and it's certainly not my recipe, but it is a damn good drink I have to share. Well, see the thing is it's not really SHARING unless you live in New York and have access to the surprisingly wonderful perfection that is Barrow's Intense Ginger Liqueur. So basically it's just bragging. Even if you're my friend, I love this stuff so much that it's unlikely I'll share it with you. You'd have to be a reeeeeeeally really good friend. Like maybe if you gave me a kidney or something.

Maybe.

But I don't need a kidney right now (maybe a liver in a couple of years) so I guess you're just SOL!

Don't worry, though--I've already e-mailed the owner, Josh Morton, and begged and pleaded to find a way to get it somewhere in DC. This is a snobby city! There are plenty of snootin' fallutin' shops and bars/cocktail lounges that would stock this stuff. DAMMIT, JOSH, GET IT TOGETHER!

My Bonus Dad Harry gave me this half-bottle when I was up in New York recently, as he had picked it up on a weekend trip to Red Hook. I normally don't really care for ginger things (too spicy) and felt skeptical, but was immediately taken in by the freshness and vibrancy of the flavour. It's so hard to describe: it's smooth and slightly sweet without being cloying, tasting clear and vibrant and ginger-y without the punch in the face. I want to put it in everything (going to try the Intense Martini soon), but last night--in a dark and stormy mood myself--settled on the suggestion offered on the tag around the neck of the bottle: an Intense Dark and Stormy. Here's the recipe.

It hit the spot like you wouldn't believe, and I'm not even a dark rum fan after what happened a couple of years ago with my friend Monkey Boy--but that's another story.

I'll keep you posted on my efforts to get this wonderfulness down to DC, and in the meantime, I'll be stocking up on my next trip up to New York.

Lekker: Spicy Claussen Knock-Off Pickles

A few weeks ago I attempted pickles for the first time and wound up with some nice (though a little bit too sweet for me) Bread and Butter Pickles. As I raved in that post, though, Claussen Pickles are my absolute favourite because since they are cold brined with no cooking, they are crisp and crunchy unlike the usual sad floppy pickle. (No one likes a floppy pickle, guys.)

I really wanted to figure out how to recreate those at home and looked online for some recipes, but ultimately decided to just wing it on my own. Some people online had trouble with mold, or with "fuzz" appearing at the top of the pickles. My Bonus Dad Harry warned me that he'd heard that garlic goes blue/green when put into vinegar raw, but I didn't have that problem either. It was just easy, and great!

Now, I will say--these are SPICY. These are not like the classic Claussen Dills. Tonight I'm going to change up the vinegar/water ratio (because even for me it was just a tiny bit too vinegar-y, though my girlfriends said they were really good) and tone it down on the red pepper to see if I can get a little bit closer to perfection. That's why I consider this recipe to be a "working recipe", because I will update it as I refine. If you like spicy, though, you will LOVE these--housemate TB absolutely raved, saying he can never find a pickle in the store that is as spicy and crispy as he likes.

I was happy with the way these turned out--they had the crisp crunch I was looking for and I don't see any reason why I would hot brine ever again.

Here we go!

 Pretty pickles in a pretty jar!

Spicy Claussen Knock-Off Pickles (Working Recipe)

What You Need
1 package small pickling cucumbers (these come in packs of six, usually, in a little Styrofoam carton covered in cling wrap)
1 cup white distilled vinegar
1 cup filtered water
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes 
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon mustard seed
3-4 garlic cloves, minced roughly
1 handful fresh dill, trimmed of stems (I bought one of those tiny plastic containers of dill in the fresh herb section of the store)

What You Do
1. Wash your cucumbers well and dry. Cut off the stem ends and slice them into spears, then follow the directions for salting them as found in step 1 of the Bread & Butter Pickles recipe. Same concept--we're trying to draw out some of the water to make a crisper pickle.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together the vinegar, water and spices. No heating required!

 Oh, I guess I threw my garlic in there too during this step. Whatever. It isn't rocket surgery peeps.

3. You'll need a large Ball jar or other type of jar with a tight fitting seal for these pickles. I keep forgetting to look what size my jars are because I'm disorganized and have the memory capacity of goldfish. If your 15 minutes of "salting" time for the cukes are up, you can pat them dry nicely with a paper towel and stuff them into the jar along with the minced garlic and the dill. You'll want them to have a LITTLE bit of room to move around so that you can shake up the jar every day.

4. Pour in the brine. For me, I discovered that I was about 2 tablespoons too short of brine because you really want them to be covered completely, so I added some brine from the original Claussen Pickles that I had in my fridge and voila! Put the lid on and tuck them in the fridge for a week. Every day I gave the jar a good shake and turned it upside down to make sure the garlic cloves and spices got nicely distributed.

That's it! My friend Tiny Bird exclaimed "I didn't know you could make your own pickles!" when she tasted them and I didn't know until recently, either, but this is so easy it's stupid. Once I can get this recipe down to my version of perfection I'll ever need to buy pickles again. Not that pickles are, like, insanely expensive or something--I am not making my life easier or cheaper by doing this, but...it's FUN!

This is what they looked like after a week in the fridge. Basically the same, but not so white in color.

Lagniappe: Can It With Your Cholesterol Bullsh*t & Eat Some Eggs

Occasionally I'm going to blog about eating good food. Not food that just TASTES good, but is actually good FOR you. I'm fascinated with it and studied nutrition for a few years, but I am FAR from being an expert. I've just learned a few things over the years that help me to make healthier choices, because knowledge is power and NO ONE IS TEACHING US ABOUT FOOD. Nutrition and health classes (REAL health classes, not this condom-on-the-banana horsefeathers) are not mandatory in schools, and our parents' generation didn't have a tenth of the research and data on food and health that we do now, so where the hell else are you gonna learn it? RIGHT HERE KIDS.

I'm working on a blog entry about how to choose the correct cooking oil for whatever it is you're chilling with in the kitchen (and I wish I could fry the borderline-manic Rachel Ray in EVOO for the pusher than she is) but tonight, I'm talking about eggs. Incredible Edible Eggs. Those things that make you think "Who in the hell was the first person to see a chicken poop one of these things out and think 'Hey, I bet this shit's delicious!'?" Because, nothing will make me go from zero to Healthy Hulk faster than someone complaining "Oh I can't eat eggs because they're bad for my cholesterol."

BULLSHIT.

Your cholesterol is shitty because you eat triple fried chicken with a side of Crisco, not because of a couple of eggs. Get outta here with that nonsense.

I'm trying not to blame you for your ignorance, but I really want to shake you. Eggs have gotten a bad rap for YEARS and still do because smart, intelligent doctors are still drinking the same Kool Aid as everyone else. (Even the Mayo Clinic is still preaching this bullcrap on their website.) Did you know that the majority of medical school graduates receive 25 hours or less of nutrition education? When...

Hey, it isn't really their fault and I'm not slamming doctors. If they wanted to learn more about nutrition they'd have to do it on their own time and I don't know if you know any doctors but there is no such thing as your own time. Those residency schedules are cray. It's simply more an indictment of the general American culture that STILL does not understand what is displayed so nicely in that cute little poster above--what you put into your body is what you get out, and it's a complex dance that requires a bit of knowledge to make fun and life worth living.

/rant

Anyway, back to eggs.

Here's the thing: there are two types of cholesterol: dietary cholesterol and blood cholesterol. IT'S NOT THE SAME THING. It's the same WORD, but it's not the same thing. The type of cholesterol that is in eggs (primarily in the yolks) is not the same thing as the stuff that's coursing through your blood and building up in your arteries and can cause heart attacks. Trust me, I eat about two eggs every day and my cholesterol is lower than my bank account on the Thursday before payday, that is to say, practically nonexistent.

ASK MEN, of all damn places, has a fantastic article about it here. Go read it, because I've had three drinks already tonight and I am not typing all that out here for you.

You're back? Good. So we've established that eggs have very very very little to do with the bad cholesterol in your blood; they are FULL of essential vitamins, minerals and amino acids; and they're a fantastic source of complete protein that will keep you full and fueled without resorting to snacking on weak weight-gaining crap. Any more arguments?

Oh, I have one more: organic eggs.

I swear I'm not one of those health freaks that's going to bind you up with hemp rope in the kitchen (although that sounds kinda fun on a totally different level) and force feed wheatgrass down your throat. However, I'm also not an idiot--one day, cook yourself a regular cheap egg and an organic egg (which is probably cage free, hormone free and antibiotic free, too) and you can immediately see the difference. For one, the shells of the organic eggs are usually stronger instead of being weak and practically see-through. Why? Because the chickens making those spheres of deliciousness aren't pumped full of disgusting toxic medication, sick and dying of oozing festering infections, and sure to wind up ground up in your McNuggets shortly. You'll also notice the yolks are a more vibrant color and actually taste of something! Plus, you know, you won't be second-hand poisoning yourself with all the non-human-grade toxins, antibiotics, vaccines and shitty food that "they" put into those poor chickens. You are what you eat, fools, and you are what your food eats, too.

Don't sit here and use the argument that organic eggs are too expensive. Look I'm piss-poor too, but a dozen organic eggs costs me $4.69 which works out to be 39 cents per egg. Are you really going to bitch about spending 80 cents for breakfast?

Sidebar: I've heard there's such a thing as low-cholesterol eggs. That freaks me out. How are they controlling how much cholesterol is in an egg? That is freakin' weird and you shouldn't touch it because it doesn't make sense. Just give me a fresh egg from the butt of a healthy non-spastic chicken and I'm a happy gal. 

Eggs aren't just for breakfast either. For a busy single chick like me, they're the perfect hot and fast thing to cook up for dinner, and Lord knows I like hot and fast. I made a sandwich for dinner the other night that consisted of two pieces of wheat toast topped with sliced tomatoes, avocado, shredded cheddar cheese and one fried egg, sunny side up--and it was, in a word, DELICIOUS. As I always say...sometimes, truly simple is just delicious.

Vitamins, minerals and amino acids are served, y'all.

Liquor: Thug Kitchen's "Endless Summer Gin & Tonic"

This isn't a real post and it certainly isn't my recipe. Today I'm sending you over to the awesomeness that is Thug Kitchen. If you're not easily offended, this dude writes hilarious, easy-to-follow non-pretentious vegan recipes for food that actually tastes good. I've made a couple of his things and while I'm not a vegan and don't stick to any sort of strict diet (life's waaaaay too short for that and you will have to pry my Brie cheese from my dead, cold hands) he's really got some GREAT stuff.

I hopped on there yesterday just to see what's new and saw this entry for an "Endless Summer Gin & Tonic." A couple of weeks ago I was panicking that fall was here and summer was finally over, but no! False alarm. It's been 93 degrees every day for the past 4 days and I'm reveling in my bonus days of summer.

This Blueberry Basil G&T really hit the spot last night when I decided to drink my dinner, and I happened to already have everything on hand. My blueberries were frozen (because I can't keep those bastards fresh and without mold for more than about 32 seconds) so they sank to the bottom of the glass, but I think fresh ones float. Don't matter--this was so fizzy, sweet and sour with a gorgeous refreshing colour that just made me smile.

 I don't have a picture of the finished drink. Well, I do, but it sucks. His photo is better, so go look at it if you want. Or, you could just make the thing yourself.

Bottoms up!

Lekker: Summer Shrimp & Corn Salad

Dear. God. Blogger was giving me such shit last night. I meant to write this yesterday evening whilst I was leisurely enjoying a glass of good-for-me red wine (to celebrate some good news I received about my health, lulz) but no, Google was not having it. Damn you Google and your salad sabotaging ways!

Anyhoodles, the salad I'm blogging about today is hands down my very very favourite salad for summer time. I think I've eaten it about a dozen times since June and each time I make it there's like 4 servings in it, so...yeah. It has never photographed prettily so this is the best I could do, but there is so much yumminess in this bad boy there's no one who will say no. AND I CAN ALREADY SEE YOU BOYS GOING TO X OUT OF THIS BLOG BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT A SALAD. You can just calm right down because I have fed this to meat-eating cavemen multiple times and they all loved it (hello, it includes bacon) despite the lack of bloody steak.

I'm going to write this recipe the easy way, the way I do it on weeknights. There is a blurb at the bottom about how to complicate your life, if you're into that kind of thing.

All dah pretty colors. Plus there's a ton of green all underneath that.

Summer Shrimp & Corn Salad

makes 3-4 good sized servings; I am a pig and keep this whole thing to myself and get four bowls worth' out of it. It'll keep for one night and one night only in the fridge if you DO NOT dress it.

What You Need

1 bag of chopped romaine lettuce

1/2 a large cucumber (I like the English ones, not because I'm a racist against the other cukes but these are just...better...) peeled and diced into bite-sized pieces

1 large tomato (I prefer on-the-vine but you could even use cherry tomatoes chopped in half or Roma or whatever, just get a nice big ol' handful of tomato in there)

1 avocado, diced

1/2 cup Feta cheese, crumbled (less if you like less, or leave it out if you don't like cheese, whatever)

6 slices of bacon, cooked and chopped (if you really want to make your life simple, buy the precooked bacon and just zap it in the micro for 30 seconds to bring it to room temp)

1/2 a pound of shrimp (Note: I always buy the frozen, peeled, deveined & de-tailed shrimp because I am lazy. I'm writing the recipe as if you're doing that too. But if you are even lazier than me, buy the already-cooked shrimp or whatever the deli/fish section of your grocery store has prepared to save yourself a step)

1 cup of frozen corn kernels, thawed

What You Do

1. In a large bowl, throw in your lettuce, cucumber, tomato, avocado and feta cheese which you have all already lovingly washed and diced up into salad sized pieces. Cook your bacon in the microwave (if you didn't buy the precooked stuff) until it's to your desired crispiness, blot off the grease really really well with a paper towel, chop that up and throw it in.

2. If you didn't buy the pre-cooked shrimp, now's the time to sauté off your thawed shrimp in a pan on the stove. I use a cast iron skillet and a teensy bit of butter over medium-high heat until the shrimp are pink throughout. Season with pepper to taste. When they're done, you can cut each shrimp in half if you want (I usually do that to get them more interspersed throughout the salad but forgot in the photo above) and add those to your salad.

3. In the same pan that's still hot with a bit of grease left in it from the shrimp, toss in the corn and crank up the heat to high, stirring often to toast it. You don't haaaaaaaave to do this step but I find it brings out a little bit more of the ....corn?...flavour. Throw that in the salad bowl and you're done!

Oh, right, dressing. So, don't dress this salad if you're not going to finish it that night because it gets all soggy and gross in the fridge. But, the dressing I always make is a very simple vinaigrette with about 1/3 cup of olive oil and 2 T lemon juice with salt and pepper added to taste. Whisk it up with a fork, taste it, and adjust as necessary. 

A CAVEAT TO ALL OF THE ABOVE: I rarely use measurements when I cook. In fact, I just about made up every single measurement you see above from memory and from what I usually use. This is a salad, I don't give a flying fart in space if you want to use 8 slices of bacon instead of 6 or if you want to use the whole cucumber; just do what you like! It's your life! It's just dinner! I just put what *I* usually do because these are the proportions that *I* like.

So, that's how I usually make that salad. There *IS* a way to elevate this to supreme baller status, and it is excellent, but more work. Namely, you can grill the shrimp (instead of just pan frying them) which adds the most gorgeous colour, flavour and "summeryness". You can also grill fresh corn on the cob, OR, dry roast some fresh raw kernels in a cast iron skillet on the stove over high heat, stirring often, until they blacken and brown in spots. That's amazing too. I just can't be bothered to go tracking down fresh corn on the cob on a Tuesday night to do all that, and I can't grill for shit so that's out too. 

I suggest you enjoy this with one of the aforementioned boneheaded meat lovers so you can crow gleefully once they admit how yummy this salad actually is. A nice white wine (I like Monkey Bay's Sauvignon Blanc) pairs well for crowing, I find.

Cheers!

Lekker: Salted Caramel Pretzel Brownies

I celebrated my 23rd birthday on Thursday September 5th (yay for Virgos!) so it's been a bit of a whirlwind this week. No time to cook! (But I do have some cold-brined pickles that are busy...pickling...in the fridge that I'll write about once I can taste them.)

I always make a dessert to bring to work for my birthday, because, well, it's an excuse for cake! EXCEPT. Last year I was equal parts laughably unprepared and ridiculously over-ambitious to attempt the four layer rainbow cake that I had in mind.

It was OK for a second:

But with no support between the layers, it took about 5 seconds for THIS to happen:

HAH! Fail. And so, the sad cake lived out the rest of its short life in multiple Pyrex containers.

It's not that I can't bake cakes; in fact I've had way more successful cakes than unsuccessful ones so I can't really tell you what I was thinking with this. Drunk, maybe. Good possibility, actually.

(Sidebar: My 19-year-old brother says that "baking cakes" is the term the young people are using to mean "talking" now. Like, you're not actually exclusively dating someone yet but you're not just friends, you're "baking cakes". Is that really a thing? What is it called when you actually start dating? "Roasting chickens"? I am only 23 and now I feel 80. Thank you, Ry.)

Anyway, so this year I decided to do something a little different and stumbled across the idea of Salted Caramel Pretzel Brownies on Pinterest. The concept sounded magical to me, combining salty and sweet with fudgy chocolatey goodness. Yes please! Only problem was, the instructions sucked and most commentators couldn't stop moaning about all the problems they were having. So I decided to wing it and figure it out myself, so here we go!

It doesn't really look like the pretzels are there, but they are, I promise!

Salted Caramel Pretzel Brownies
makes about 12 pieces, depending on how big you cut them; they're pretty rich, unlike me

What You Need
1 box "Family Size 13 x 9" fudgy brownie mix (I used Betty Crocker) plus the ingredients to make them according to box directions
1 bag pretzels (I used the square waffle-type ones because I figured they would be easier for cutting and I'm pretty sure I'm right)
2 5.5 ounce bags of Werther's Creamy Caramels 
1 tablespoon half-and-half
Sea salt

What You Do
1. Preheat the oven to the temperature indicated on the box of brownie mix. Prepare the brownies according to directions. Line a square 8 x 8 or 9 x 9 pan with parchment paper; or, alternatively, you could try simply greasing it well. I opted for parchment paper so I could lift the brownies out of the pan for easier cutting, but it's up to you, I don't think it's a train smash either way.

2. Pour about half of the brownie mix into the bottom of the pan. Then gently place a layer of pretzels on top of that batter. Now do another layer. (The pretzels will get sort of soft during the baking process so it's not like you're chomping straight into a hard, totally crunchy pretzel in the middle of a soft brownie.) Gently pour the rest of the brownie batter on top of the pretzels, smooth it out nicely and toss it in the oven. Follow the baking times listed on the box for your pan size.

3. While those are baking you can start making your caramel sauce. Unwrap all of those individual caramels and throw them in a small pot with the half and half. Over the LOWEST temperature possible, allow them to melt slowly, stirring with a wooden spoon.

 This is about halfway through the melting process. Keep stirring as much as possible to keep the heat even and prevent burning.

You can adjust the amount of half-and-half if it's too thick; you want the consistency to be pourable from the pot but not too runny.

Like this.

4. When the brownies are done, allow them to cool for about 20 minutes before you pour the caramel over top. Wait about a minute or two for the caramel to set (you can wash the caramel pot at this point; TRUST ME you do not want to let it set in the pot or you will absolutely hate your life and everyone in it who allowed you to get to that point of prying enamel/caramel off a pot with a butter knife and possibly stabbing yourself in the process--NOT that I'm speaking from experience...) and then sprinkle the sea salt over top, pressing it down a bit into the caramel. Isn't it so pretty, sparkling on there?! I loved it.

Well you can't really see the sparkling, but it's there!

5. All done! Once it's completely cool you can slice and dice to your heart's content. Run your knife under hot water before you make the slices; it'll help to get through the caramel a bit easier. I could totally see these being served with some vanilla ice cream. They were a hit at the office and successfully glued SOME PEOPLE'S jaws shut, which was a nice change. (Kidding, kidding.)

22 was without a doubt the best year of my life thus far, and my life is generally pretty awesome so that was actually a hard call to make. But it's true, and I can't wait to see what 23 will bring.

Cheers, darlings!

Lekker: Burgundy Mushroom Sauce

So, yesterday's sauce was a positive vat of cheesy, tangy indulgent goodness that usually causes pans to be licked clean. At least, in my house. If that was too rich or too high calorie or too indicative of the way life SHOULD be led for you...well then here's a sauce for you! Lean, bold and veggie-ful, this is intended as a topper for steak but works over chicken breast as well.

Burgundy Mushroom Sauce
makes about enough for 4 servings

What You Need
1/2 cup butter (OK, it's not THAT lean...)
1 pound baby bella mushrooms, washed, dried and sliced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
3 whole green onions aka scallions, sliced
1 1/2 cups red wine: it's right there in the name, you should use a Burgundy, but let's be real we're 23 and we're gonna use whatever we have--Merlot, Cab Sav, Pinot Noir and Malbec will work as well
S&P, to taste
1 T butter further
Fresh parsley, minced, to make it look like you actually worked hard on this

Super easy!

What You Do
1. While your significant other/friend with benefits/guy-you-just-met is working on grilling the steak, melt the butter in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Don't let it turn brown, just melt it and throw in the mushrooms, garlic and green onions and cook 'em all down, stirring until the mushrooms are a nice golden brown color. Don't they smell heavenly at this stage? God I love it.

2. Dump in the wine and turn down the heat to more of a simmer, and allow it all to cook until the liquid has been reduced by about half. Salt and pepper to taste. All done! When you're ready to serve it, take it off the heat and swirl in that last tablespoon of butter and the parsley and voila. Gorgeous. (P.S. Don't be afraid to add more wine if you see the sauce thickening too much.)

Coppola Pinot Noir, incidentally my favourite red wine and also because I didn't have my own photo.

Lekker: Let's Talk About Sauces: Blue Cheese Sauce

I've always been a gravy girl. As a little kid I would beg and plead with my Mom to let me eat the gravy from a roast chicken or a pot roast--that and nothing else. Those who know me well know to double their gravy portions for a dish if I'm coming over. I don't know why I love it so much, but that same strange obsession expanded into other types of sauces as I got older and explored more. Sauces seriously should be their own food group.

Soooo, over the next couple of days I'm going to be sharing a few of my favourite sauce recipes while I work on batches of other things.

Sidebar: the more I type it the weirder the word "sauce" looks, and sounds in my head. I once forgot how to properly say the word "vegetables" because I repeated it an incorrect way over and over in my head. I can't find the clip on YouTube, but the bottom line is that it's Tigger's fault. The bouncy jerk from Winnie-the-Pooh, him.

Anyhoodles, this recipe is for the most idiot-proof, simplistic and most delicious blue cheese sauce I've EVER come across. I am not at all exaggerating when I say that a fight once broke out at a dinner party over who would get to lick the pan after I made this. Previously, I had also smacked a dear friend with a wooden spoon (hard) because he licked the spoon before I could. (Brat.)

I always serve this dripping over some simply sauteéd pork chops, but it works just as fantastically over a steak too. It's amazing as a drizzle over some roasted veggies if that's your thing. Or just through a straw. Whatever. I'm not here to judge.

Baller Blue Cheese Sauce
the amount of blue cheese you decide to use will determine how much sauce you have, so just eyeball it depending on how many people/pork chops you have

What You Need
1 cup of higher quality crumbled blue cheese, or Gorgonzola, if that's what you can find (I'm not saying "higher quality" to be a food snob here, but in my experience, the store brands are really shitty dried-out chalky shams of what blue cheese should be--so go to the deli or imported cheese section to find something slightly better. With cheese, as with men, never settle!)
~3 tablespoons heavy cream (No, you may not substitute half-and-half here to make it "healthier"--this is a sauce MADE OF CHEESE, what are you doing. Stop it with that.)
Freshly ground black pepper

Seriously, that's it.

What You Do
As I said, I usually use this with pork chops, so after I'm done sauteéing those and they're staying warm somewhere else, in the empty pan with all the lovely pan drippings in it (drained of fat though) throw in the cheese over very low heat. Add the heavy cream and stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the cheese is nicely melted. (Employ aforementioned wooden spoon to smack grabby hands away from dipping in to "just taste".) Use the heavy cream to adjust the consistency of the sauce. If you seriously need me to explain that to you, it means add more cream if you prefer it runnier, and cook it down slightly if you like it thicker.  Add black pepper to taste and just TRY to avoid inhaling all of it before you can spoon it over the chops.

Blue cheese, courtesy of someone named Charlotte Julienne on Google, because I'm fresh out of my own photos of blue cheese lying around. Oddly, when I Google image searched "blue cheese" there were a BUNCH of images of pot. I don't know what's going on in the world of marijuana at the moment, but apparently that's a thing. Blue Cheese Weed. K.