Lekker: Lemon Sage Butter Roasted Turkey

Gobble gobble gobble bitches! If I was some fancy cook I would have done this turkey as a test before Thanksgiving, and posted enough in advance so that you, my faithful subjects followers, could make it yourselves for that happy day of gluttony. Alas! I am but a poor and busy girl, so go ahead and bookmark this bad boy for your Christmas festivities or for Turkey Day next year. I'm not just saying that because it's *a* turkey recipe, but because: this is the best roasted turkey I have ever had. (Everyone knows deep fried turkeys are the BEST turkeys.)

 

LOOK AT IT!

Like no lie, I'm not meaning to boast because any time something of mine turns out so perfectly I'm 98% convinced it's a fluke, but--THIS IS THE BEST AND MOST MOIST DELICIOUS TURKEY EVER! Crispy brown skin, check. Moist, succulent breast meat, check. The kind of gravy I'd kill for, check. Hooolllyyyyyyy shit.

So! Onwards to it then. This is a long-ass recipe because it covers the whole she-bang from the brine to the gravy and everything in between. The brine is a bit tedious and requires advance planning, but the rest of it is quite simple in execution.

First: To brine or not to brine? That is the question. Well, maybe not, but it's a much better question that that other esoteric bullshit.

~Kidding~, kind of, because Hamlet is my favourite Shakespearean work--but I have to believe that if the good ol' Prince of Denmark knew anything about Thanksgiving turkeys he would definitely be asking MY question instead. So, back to it--to brine or not to brine?

There's copious debate about this on the web and equally so among my friends and fellow home cooks. Those who were pro-brining swore by it, and others simply brushed it off with a "Meh, not worth it." Alternatives to the traditional wet brine are a dry brine, a salt crust, or no extra preparation at all save removing the plastic.

This year, since I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner (my first by myself) at my Dad's house which boasts two fridges and the ideal 5 gallon bucket, I figured I would take the opportunity to do a classic wet brine. I'm sure in future years when I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner in god-knows-what far flung locale I'll be pressed to try these other, more convenient brining methods and indeed, I look forward to it.

Let's get to it cluckers!

Lemon Sage Butter Roasted Turkey
serves 4-6 people
 

What You Need

For the brine:
a 5 gallon bucket or other very large pot, washed out cleanly and dried
1 12-14 pound turkey (which will feed 4-6 people plus leftovers; I used Butterball)
8 bay leaves
2 T whole peppercorns
2 T dried sage 
1 T dried thyme
1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
1 cup rock salt or other large grain salt (kosher, sea salt, etc.) (if you only have fine grained table salt, you might need to reduce it to just over 3/4 cup)
1/2 cup lemon juice (bottled is fine)
1 can light beer 
1 lemon, quartered
Water

For the roasting:
1 stick (1/2 cup) salted butter of choice, softened (I am batshit crazy about Kerrygold Irish Butter for fancy things like this)
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh sage leaves
2 lemons, zested, and the juice squeezed from only one (strain to avoid any pulp or seeds)
Freshly ground pepper
~2 cups low sodium chicken broth (you'll need to fill up the bottom of the roasting pan to about 1/2 an inch)

Additionally:
1/2 a stick (1/4 cup) salted butter of choice, melted
1 T chopped fresh sage leaves
1 t lemon juice 

For the gravy:
Pan drippings, drained of fat
3 T flour, mixed with a touch of water to create a thick paste
1 cup dry white wine
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth (possibly)
1 cup water

What You Do

To Brine:
1. First you gotta brine, about 24 hours before you plan to roast. In a medium sized pot over medium heat, combine the salt, sugar, spices and lemon juice with enough water to fill almost to the top of your pot. Bring to a low boil and stir until all the salt and sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool.

2. In the meantime take your turkey out of the fridge, unwrap it in the sink, and remove the neck and giblets and whatever other weird body parts they've stuffed inside there. You can do whatever you want with those since I won't be using them. Rinse the turkey with cold water inside and out, and plop it into your makeshift poultry hot tub.

3. Pour your dissolved mixture over the turkey, along with a can of beer and the lemon quarters, and then fill the bucket the rest of the way with plain water until the turkey is just covered and stir. You may need to weight it down with something to make sure it stays immersed; I found that if I just sort of jammed it in there properly it stuck.

4. Stick that monstrosity in the fridge to chill out for about 24 hours, or until about an hour before you need to roast.

To Roast:
1. Hooray, it's T-Day! Time to get going. About an hour before you need to stick the turkey in the oven (check the packaging directions to find out how long your turkey will need to cook; I had a 13.45 pound turkey and it took about 3 hours and 20 minutes) remove it from the brine and place it on your roasting rack set inside a roasting pan. Pick off any solids like bay leaves and peppercorns and such and throw the brine down the drain. Allow the bird to come to room temperature for about an hour. Chill the hell out about bacteria and whatnot, it'll be fine.

2. Preheat your oven to 450 degrees F. In a small bowl, mash together the butter, lemon zest, lemon juice, sage, and freshly ground pepper. Now here you have to do something kinda gross/mostly cool: run your hands underneath the turkey skin on top to separate it from the breasts. There's a thin sort of membrane that attaches the skin to the flesh and you'll feel it give way as you separate it.

3. Take half the butter mixture in your fingers and insert it in between the skin and the breasts you just separated, rubbing and smoothing it out until the breasts are well covered. ***This is sounding HIGHLY suggestive at this point, because tbh if anyone were to rub something on me...chances are, I'd pick Kerrygold Irish Butter over chocolate syrup any day, but at any rate...*** Rub the other half of the butter mixture all over the outside of the turkey, in all the crevices like the wings corners and drumsticks.

Like so.

That's my Maple Bourbon Pumpkin Cake chilling behind me, and a mimosa in my hand because it isn't a holiday unless it's started with some bubbly!

4. Woo! All done and time to go in the oven. Last thing you have to do is pour in about 2 cups of chicken stock or broth into the pan so that the drippings won't burn during roasting. Toss that bird (we named ours Dorothy because I'm macabre and weird) into the oven at 450 for only 15 minutes. This blast of heat allows the skin to get a jump start on browning. After 15 minutes, turn the heat down to 350 degrees and set the timer for 1 hour.

5. Melt the additional 1/2 stick of butter and mix with the extra sage and lemon juice. After the timer goes off, remove turkey from oven and baste with pan juices and some of the melted butter mixture. Replace back into the oven, and repeat two more times until turkey registers 160 degrees F when a meat thermometer is inserted into the thigh, or about 2-ish more hours. If you find that the breast is browning too much (at around hour 2 for me) you may gently cover it with a bit of foil.

The last baste...look at all that yummy sage and lemon zest! And those pan juices are destined to make a bomb ass gravy.

To Grave (.......I went with it)
1. Once the turkey is done, remove it to a plate or carving board to relax for about 20 minutes to let the juices disperse throughout. Cover with foil to keep warm. Toss the roasting rack into the sink, and pour off the majority of the fat from the bottom of the pan into a separate heat-safe dish. That should leave you with just the delicious drippings in the pan. At this point, you have the option of cooking the gravy directly in the pan set over two burners; or if you used a nonstick pan like I did, you can just pour all the drippings into another more manageable smaller pot. However if you did NOT use a nonstick pan I DO NOT RECOMMEND THAT! All those browned bits stuck to the bottom are flavour bombs, and you'll want to include them in your gravy.

2. At any rate, bring the drippings to a rapid simmer and whisk in the flour. Whisk constantly and cook for about 4 minutes to thoroughly cook out all the raw flour taste. The gravy should thicken considerably at this point. Then add the wine, and cook for about 8 minutes, whisking often, until most of the alcohol has burned off. Whisk in the water, and TASTE! The salt level at this stage is important. All that salty butter and chicken broth may have provided more than enough salt for your tastes. If the salt level is good, do not add chicken broth and instead simply add more water until your gravy reaches the desired consistency.

Serve over your carved turkey, and I'm sure you will have a very happy table! Bon Appetit!

Lekker: Maple Bourbon Pumpkin Cake

My last blog post was about the amazingly simple Salted Butter Apple Galette, which I love because it's an alternative to pie, because I don't like pie SO SUE ME. For Thanksgiving dessert this year, then, I opted to make this Maple Bourbon Pumpkin Cake. I picked this because bourbon, and because I didn't want a painfully sweet saccharine dessert. This strikes the perfect balance between sweet (the glaze and the maple candied pecans) and boozy-spiced-fall-ness, and was a hit at my table. (Especially when served with vanilla ice cream.)

 

I like to envision this method of decorating as all the pecans coming to worship at the pecan Altar of Candied Wonder in the middle.

It doesn't really matter which bourbon you decide to use. Maker's Mark is my do-or-die favourite, but I am poor now and cannot afford that so I was good ol' Jack for me. Most of it bakes off though, so honestly it doesn't make any difference.

So, let's get baking!

Maple Bourbon Pumpkin Cake 
serves 8
 
What You Need

For the cake:

2 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 T baking powder
1 t pumpkin pie spice
3/4 t salt

1 1/2 cups firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
2 eggs
1 t vanilla extract

1 cup cooked pumpkin (Use the tinned stuff like I did, since I had leftovers from making one of my all-time favourite soups, this Pumpkin Soup)
3/4 cup whole milk

1/3 cup bourbon of your choice

For the glaze:

2 cups confectioner's sugar, sifted after measuring

2 T half-and-half

1 T melted unsalted butter

1 1/2 T bourbon

1 t vanilla extract

For the maple glazed pecans:

Shocking that you would need pecans and maple syrup, right?

1/2 cup pecan halves

2 T pure maple syrup

1/2 t cinnamon

What You Do
1.  First things first, in a small bowl mix together the pecans, maple syrup, and cinnamon really well. These babies are gonna soak in that goodness while you're mixing up the cake. Give it a stir every once in awhile to make sure the syrup gets into allllll the nooks & crannies.

2. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F and grease two 8-inch round cake pans. (I suppose this cake could also be done in a Bundt pan or some other loaf pan, or as cupcakes, but I don't know the cooking times and what have you for that.)  In a medium sized mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice and salt. Whisk it well, since I'm saving you the hassle of actually sifting that flour separately to aerate it!

3. In another larger mixing bowl, beat the butter with an electric mixer until light yellow and fluffy. Add the brown sugar, and beat again until light and fluffy. Add the eggs and mix well. See: light and fluffy. (Get the picture?) Then add your pumpkin and vanilla. It might look a little grainy and weird after you add the pumpkin, but don't try to overbeat it just to get rid of that. It's fine.

4. With your mixer on low, add half the flour mixture to the wet batter. Mix well. Add the milk, and mix well. Add the other half of the flour, and ___ ____. Finally, dump in the bourbon and mix shittily and lazily well-ish.

5. Pour the batter evenly into your pans, and bake at 350 for about 20-ish minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove the pans and set on top of wire cooling racks for about 10 minutes (this gives the cake time to contract from the sides of the pan) and then flip out onto the racks to finish cooling.

6. *While* those babies are cooling, and your oven is still at 350, it's time to do the pecans! Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and dump your maple coated pecans on there. Bake for 5 minutes, then remove and toss, and bake for 5 minutes more. That's all it should take for them to go all nicely dark brown and smell amazing. Feel free to taste test one.

7. Since that only took 10 minutes and your cakes are probably still cooling, you can mix up your glaze now and give it time to set up. Tangent: I have a love-hate relationship with glazes. They are easy because they literally involve just dumping everything together and stirring until smooth (so...do that), BUT. Since glazes have a more liquid consistency that frosting, you kind of just dribble it down over the top of the cake and hope that it will come dripping down the sides attractively. But if you want those attractive little drips, then you can't pour too much glaze on...WHICH MEANS THERE ISN'T ENOUGH GLAZEY GOODNESS ON THE DAMN CAKE! And I won't stand for that. So what you should do is schmear a decent amount on the inside of your two 8-inch layers as a filling, and *then* content yourself with dribbling the glaze over the top. If you want to put something else or nothing at all in the middle, then here's what I suggest: do one layer of slow glaze dribbling. Stop. Leave it alone for about 15 minutes, giving it time to set up. Then come back and do a second layer. It still won't give you a ton of glaze on the sides, but there's more on the top and whatever, I suppose that works.

8. I honestly don't even remember where we were now. Oh right, okay so you made the glaze. Once the cakes are cool, stack them on a cake plate and glaze accordingly as discussed/ranted about above. Decorate with the pecans as you wish. Done!

It would have been nice if I had remembered to take a photo of the *inside* once we had cut a slice, but no. Of course not. FOR THE RECORD, though, it's a lovely dusty dark orange.

Recipe originally inspired by this one by Bakerella.

Lekker: Salted Butter Apple Galette

It's here, it's here, it's finally here!!! Happy Thanksgiving guys!

I can't wait to share with you some of the things I'm making for today, after they are taste tested by my highly qualified tasting panel (hah). On the menu is a Lemon Sage Butter Roasted Turkey with white wine gravy; my classic Perfect Mashed Potatoes; Sourdough, Italian Sausage and Roasted Chestnut Stuffing; and a luxury Green Bean & Mushroom Casserole. I'm not a fan of dessert pies, generally, and so for dessert I opted for a Maple Bourbon Pumpkin Cake.

If you find it utterly sacrilegious not to serve apple pie for Thanksgiving dessert though, may I propose this utterly delicious and simple Salted Butter Apple Galette as an updated alternative? Isn't it beautiful?! And so deceptively simple, too. The ingredient list is short, and you just might already have everything you need around the house just in *case* one of your preplanned desserts doesn't entirely work out. ;)

This recipe is straight from the hallowed halls of Bon Appetit Magazine, with whom I enjoy the most majestic of love affairs, so I'm just going to link to it right here. The only changes I made were to use a teaspoon of vanilla extract instead of bothering with vanilla beans. Don't be intimidated by the apple slices! If you have a mandolin of course you can use one, but I just sliced neatly with a steady hand. The tart dough is easy to whip up too, just make sure you have some time for it to chill in the fridge. Onward!
    

Ah, look! Proof, that I do, actually, do all this cooking! And yes, I am using an empty wine bottle as a rolling pin, because why not?

It should look like this right before you pop it into the oven. Num num num,

And...fin!

Lekker: Vegan Sweet Potato & Black Bean Chili

Hello there, and Happy Thanksgiving pals!

As a foodie, I'm sure you can imagine that this is very nearly my favourite holiday of the year. Christmas is my actual favourite, but only because it's LONGER. Because Turkey Day is just one day I feel like Thanksgiving never really gets its proper due, so when I grow up, I plan to host quarterly Thanksgiving dinners at my house. There's just too many cool recipes I want to try, with only one chance per year! Bollocks, in my opinion. (That plan hinges on the obviously faulty logic that I will, in fact, one day grow up--but nevermind.) 

Surprising to no one I've been planning my Thanksgiving menu since sometime in September, and I ultimately decided that sweet potatoes were axed from this year's menu. Since it's just my Dad, my 20-year-old body building brother Champ and I for dinner this year it's quite the small party and thus I had to be painfully limited with my side dishes. Champ, of course, threw a hissy fit when he found out I wasn't doing a sweet potatoes because of course he doesn't care about anything ever but the **second** I say no to something it's immediately the most important thing ever ever ever--but I'M IN CHARGE HERE DAMMIT!

To yield to the sweet-potato-based pressure, I cooked up this vegan sweet potato and black bean chili for dinner. None of us are vegans here, I assure you, this is completely by chance--but it's so lean, filling, and chock full of wholesome things, it's something to feel good about eating before you dive in face first unapologetically into the gluttony and gravy-induced stupor that is Thanksgiving.

Chili never looks particularly appetizing, but damn if it isn't delicious. And yes, my father ruined the "vegan" aspect by topping it with a mountain of shredded cheddar cheese.

Vegan Sweet Potato Black Bean Chili
serves 4

What You Need:
1 very large, 2 medium, or 3 smallish sweet potatoes, peeled and diced into a small dice
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 red or green bell pepper, diced
1 medium onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, diced
1 green jalapeno, seeds removed and flesh diced
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon oregano
 3 1/2 cups cooked black beans (that equals 2 15-oz tins, or see my note below if you want to try cooking them from scratch)
4 teaspoons adobo sauce from a tin of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (if you like your chili more on the spicy side, feel free to add in one of the chipotle peppers, chopped)
1 28-oz tin diced tomatoes with their juice
1 teaspoon white granulated sugar
1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup water or vegetable broth, to thin it out

Optional, To Screw Up The Whole Vegan Thing: Sour cream or shredded cheese, to serve

***On black beans from scratch:***
My Mother, God rest her soul, was born and raised in Guatemala on the traditional staple diet of black beans and rice. Do you think they use tinned beans down there? LOL, no. That's an American convenience, but after cooking my own beans from scratch this weekend I understand WHY it's such a convenience. Holy shit, cooking dry beans from scratch takes forever. Now, research on the great wide Internet tells me the age of the beans has a lot to do with the cooking time and I'm not kidding when I say that because I dug this particular batch of beans up from the back of my Dad's pantry, I am therefore estimating their age at AT LEAST 6 years old. But, cooking the beans is not that hard, just time consuming: In order to yield about 3 1/2 cups of cooked beans, I used just about 1 1/4 cup of dry beans. I rinsed them under running water in a sieve, and then soaked them in cold water overnight. The next day I drained the water and tossed them in a small pot, covered with water, added 1 teaspoon of salt, and let them simmer merrily away...for SIX HOURS. Six hours! I had to top off the water a couple of times to make sure the beans stayed properly covered, and stir a few times, but that's about it.

So, is it a hassle to make your own beans from scratch? Yes, I think so, because it requires advanced planning and more effort. That said, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Why? Because as the beans cook they release starch and flavouring into the cooking water, yielding this black salty broth that acted as my liquid in the chili recipe, and tastes AMAZING. Like I could sip that from a mug all day in bliss. These are the beans I remember from my childhood, and if you did a taste test of beans from scratch next to tinned beans, I absolutely guarantee without a doubt that the beans from scratch will come out on top, every time.

That's it for my rant on beans for now, but I'm planning on writing a whole separate blog post on them shortly about how to select and cook them, store them, and freeze them--and more importantly, why you should definitely, positively, should be putting them in and around your mouth.

What You Do:
1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with foil. On it, toss together your diced sweet potatoes, paprika, salt and pepper to taste with only 1 tablespoon of the olive oil and spread out into a thin layer. Roast for 25 minutes, stirring once in between. Remove from the oven and set...somewhere. Aside. Out of your way.

Roasted sweet potato is the best sweet potato and there will be no debate on that fact.

2. In a large pot over medium heat, heat your olive oil and saute up your onion, bell pepper, garlic, jalapeno, cumin, and oregano until everything is nice and soft. Add in the black beans, the tin of tomatoes, adobo sauce, sugar, and cocoa powder. Stir. (Note: at this point, I added 1 cup of the black bean broth because the chili was too thick to simmer properly. If you opted for tinned beans, add in a cup of water or vegetable broth here.)

3. Bring the mixture to a simmer, then reduce heat to low and let it simmer merrily away for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Then add in your sweet potato. Simmer for another 15 minutes-ish or until all heated through nicely.

Dunzo!

There are zillions of chili toppings, of course, but in my house we dig shredded cheddar cheese and saltine crackahs. Cheese is obviously not vegan, but there are vegan cheese options so if you're that into it, by all means, have at it.

Lekker: Cheesy Polenta & Collard Greens

Ey yo! Long time no see! Being back on that college grind means my entire diet has basically been whittled down to the "cheap and healthy" category of 1) salad and 2) eggs on toast.

That's it.

When I go home and visit my Dad on the weekends, I get crazy and eat some chicken, and drink a beer. It is like a madhouse up in here, y'all.

                             

HOWEVER, this weekend I got the inordinate thrill of actually--gasp--COOKING A MEAL. And it was grand, because I discovered the joys of polenta a few months ago and it is absolutely my new favourite comfort food. In my highly unhumble opinion it's pretty much on par with mashed potatoes when done right, and I think it's the cheesiness that does it. Polenta is historically a peasant's dish from back in Ye Olde Long Ass Time Ago (around the 16th century to be precise but honestly anything before like 1985 is just lumped together), because it's just cornmeal boiled with water into porridge. Gruel. Yeah that's right. I'm teaching you how to make gruel, you filthy Roman slave. 

For the rest of this post, you may envision me this way. Triple bonus points if you actually know who this is. 

Anyway, back on track. A quirk of polenta is that is has a very short "plate life", just FYI. It can sort of gum up fairly quickly, so if you're adding it to part of another meal you want to make sure you've got everything else ready to go before the polenta is finished. It also doesn't reheat really well so don't make more than you need, BUT if you do, next-day polenta can be cut into pieces and either fried or grilled and is REALLY delicious.

Don't be put off by that. Don't be lazy. 

Oh, and one last thing--since polenta is a starch you can pair it with just about anything your heart desires, but I was craving a Southern feel (and bacon was on sale, because there is a God) so I went ahead and mixed up a batch of my Bacon Braised Collard Greens to put on top. And then, of course, a crown of poached egg at the summit of this deliciousness, because if it CAN be topped with an egg, I will do it.

Cheesy Polenta

serves about 4 Roman slaves, if they are skinny, or 2 Roman Slave Lords if you want a bit of leftovers

What You Need

3/4 cup fine yellow cornmeal

2 cups chicken broth

1 cup white wine (not a sweet one like Moscato or Reisling)

3/4 cup grated sharp white cheddar (Cabot is the shit. Like, bar none best cheddar you can find at the grocery store)

1/2 teaspoon paprika

fresh cracked pepper

What You Do

1. It's really easy. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring the broth and wine to a rapid simmer. Slowly sprinkle in the cornmeal, paprika, and a bit of pepper, whisking constantly to avoid any lumps. It'll thicken up immediately and look like bubbling lava. Yummy! Turn the heat down to low, cover, and simmer gently for 15 minutes, stirring often.

2. It should only take about 15 minutes to cook, so at this point stir in the cheese until it's nice and melty. The consistency should be smooth with no lumps. If it's looking too thick for you after the cheese has been added, stir in a little more broth or water to thin it out (I like mine thinner), and serve immediately. 

If you like, you can add some chopped fresh parsley or chives for some pretty colour; I just didn't have any. This recipe is bound to pop up again because there's so many variations I want to try, like...a baked chorizo, egg and polenta breakfast skillet...coming soon! (ish)

Lekker: Guatemalan Black Beans

KNOCKKNOCK...knock.

Hi.

Why, and how, on EARTH--did I think I would have more free time in college than I did working a 9-5 job? I know nothing. Not about time management, and certainly not about calculus either. Sigh.

With a grocery budget down to $40 a week, all I've been eating for the last few months is Greek salads, eggs on toast, tuna (from a can, of course) and the perennial tinned food of Le Cheap People: beans. Beans on toast is a traditional last-resort dinner for college students (and other broke people) in the UK, but having grown up with a Guatemalan-born mother, I go a slightly different direction with these easy, protein-packed Guatemalan black beans.

If you're not too worried about carbs, serve these over some cooked rice (brown rice for maximum nutritional value, of course, that white stuff is just nonsense) or with some tortillas to sop it all up. Since we all know protein is the thing that keeps us fuller for longer, and thus eating less (you DO know that right???) I like to top these with a poached or fried egg with a dab of hot sauce drizzle.

Oh, and don't cry for me and my budget too much, Argentina--with such lean, light foods I'm down 8 pounds. YAAAASUH!

 

 It might not be pretty (bean dishes rarely are) but to me, it's the perfect filling comfort food.

Guatemalan Black Beans

This serves, like, one and a half. Enough for dinner and some leftovers.

What You Need

1 tin black beans (Goya brand preferred) rinsed and drained

1 tin diced tomatoes

1/2 a large yellow onion, diced

1 clove garlic, minced

Handful of fresh cilantro, roughly chopped

Preferred oil for frying

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 

1/4 teaspoon or less crushed red pepper flakes, just for a little kick

Seriously, that's it!

What You Do

1. This is so simple. In a medium sized saucepot, fry up the onion until it's soft and golden brown. Throw in the minced garlic for the last minute and stir, just until it's nice and fragrant. Add the beans and the tomatoes (with their juice) and stir to combine. Add the cumin and crushed red pepper flakes, stir, and simmer for about 20 minutes. It'll look a little dry at first, but as it cooks the beans and the tomatoes will release more moisture.

2. For the last 2-3 minutes, toss in the cilantro. When it gets overcooked it looks gross.

3. Optional: top with a poached or fried egg with or without hot sauce, or with rice, or tortillas. Nom nom nom. 

Lekker: Warm Roasted Kale, Broccolini & Chickpea Salad with Burrata

Hello hello! Last night I got back into the kitchen after almost a month away from recipe testing and let me tell you, it is SO GOOD FOR MY SOUL. I exclaimed to my friend Baer that there is absolutely no doubt that this is my passion in life. Cooking brings me so much joy, relaxes me, challenges me, and is the best never-ending entertainment. How fortunate that I picked a passion that is so easily practiced!

On to dinner, then. Everyone in the food world is "over" kale now, though whether it's because it's become too mainstream (cue my "snobby hipster bullshit" alarm) or just because we all got over-saturated with it for awhile I can't be sure. Personally I can't be bothered with trends (I am still wearing distressed denim and ask me if I care) so *I* still love roasted kale like mad, though, and since the broccolini was looking so utterly bright green and wonderful in the shop I decided to toss this salad together. It takes about 10 minutes, tops, and manages to be warm, filling, crunchy and creamy all at the same time.

Warm Roasted Kale, Broccolini & Chickpea Salad with Burrata
serves 2

What You Need
1 bunch fresh kale torn into large pieces (It looked so hardy and good in the store that I decided to work from fresh instead of using the usual pre-washed bagged stuff as I usually do. I think this helped control some of the possible bitterness in kale, and come on, it's idiot proof to rinse the leaves and tear them into large pieces. Remember that kale, like spinach, cooks down tremendously so err on the side of more rather than less when estimating raw kale.)
8 ounces (about one small bunch) broccolini (In case you don't know, broccolini is like baby broccoli. It has longer, more tender stems and larger buds on the "tree tops." I prefer it over regular broccoli for roasting, hands down. Trader Joe's carries it, though you can often find it at farmer's markets, organic food stores, gourmet markets, Wegman's, Publix, etc. as well.)
1 tin chickpeas (aka garbanzo beans, same thing) rinsed and drained
salt & pepper
red pepper flakes or chili powder, to taste (I probably used about a teaspoon of chili powder, maybe a tad more)
olive oil for roasting
juice of about 1 lemon
4 ounces burrata cheese, roughly sliced (Burrata is a type of mozzarella, but instead of being simply a solid ball of mozzarella it's got this delicious creamy center. It's oozy and rich and melts ever-so-slightly on top of the salad to give you the "necessary" richness for such a *healthy* salad!)

What You Do
1. Heat your broiler on high. In a large bowl, toss together the broccolini, torn kale, chickpeas, salt, pepper, and either red pepper flakes or chili powder with a bit of olive oil until just coated. Spread out onto a baking sheet (you might need to use two; don't crowd the pan too much otherwise things won't roast properly) and broil for 6 minutes, tossing once at the 3 minute mark.

 

 Like dis.

2. It'll be done when the kale is just turning brown in spots and the broccolini is bright green. Squeeze the fresh lemon juice over all and top with the sliced burrata. Serve warm.

Lekker: Beef Short Rib Ragu

Did you know that the plural of "beef" is BEEVES??? I AM SERIOUS.

Now that that's out of the way, hi! I'm back, tonight with a beef short rib ragu done in the slow cooker than is the absolute definition of comfort food. Turned out to be quite serendipitous that it's snowing like hell here tonight, which somehow justifies "comfort food" even more. It does, though! I'm not even mad about it anymore; it's March 16th (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME IT IS SPRING BREAK IN MOST PLACES RIGHT NOW OMFGGGGGG) and I've just resigned myself to the fate of living in an icy tundra for the rest of my days.

Anyways. I enjoyed this recipe tonight with my roommates Badger and Bear whilst listening to them bicker about their viability as an Amazing Race team. Kids, let me take all the mystery out of that one for you: one of you is coming home in a body bag.

 Tastes so much better than it looks, I promise!

Short Rib Ragu
serves 4

What You Need
3 pounds beef short ribs, cut into 3-inch pieces (It's unlikely you'll find this kind of thing in your usual grocer; I suggest you find a local butcher who will not only have this cut but will be happy to cut it to the correct specifications as well.)
Preferred oil for frying (canola, vegetable, clarified butter/ghee, etc)
1 large carrot, peeled, halved lengthwise and sliced into 1-inch pieces
1 celery rib, halved lengthwise and sliced into 1-inch pieces
1 medium onion, diced roughly
3 cloves garlic, simply crushed with the flat blade of your knife
1/2 cup red wine (Anything non-sweet that you have on hand will do: Pinot Noir, Merlot, Cab Sav)
1 28-ounce tin whole tomatoes in juice
6-8 stalks fresh oregano
S & P to taste

Serve over these delicious mashed potatoes, though go easy on the half-and-half--you want these to be able to stand up as a sturdy base to the ragu, so you don't want them to be too creamy or soft.

What You Do

1. In a large cast iron or stainless steel skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Sear off the short ribs, working in small batches so as not to crowd the pan (because that's the quickest way to get things steaming instead of frying, no bueno), until well-browned and nicely crusted on both sides. Transfer to a plate and keep working until all the ribs are done.
2. Pour off any excessive fat in the pan, leaving only about a tablespoon. Add the carrot, celery, onion and garlic and turn the heat down to medium-low. Cook, stirring, for about 2 minutes just until the carrots brighten in colour. Add the red wine and stir, scraping up any browned bits left over from the beef. Cook over medium heat until the red wine is mostly absorbed, then remove from heat.
3. Toss the beef and veggies together in a 5-6 quart slow cooker and add the can of tomatoes, breaking up with your hands as you go. (Careful--it's fun squishing them, but they squirt all over the place!) Sprinkle in 4 stalks of fresh oregano and add salt and pepper. Cover, and cook on High for 6 hours.

4. Hollaaaaaa! All done? Okay, if you're ready to eat then get those mashed potatoes going. While they're boiling, you'll want to remove the bones from the slow cooker (the meat should be so tender by now that they're easy to just pick up and remove) and shred the remaining meat with two forks. Add the remaining fresh oregano (fresh herbs lose their power during long cooking so you'll want to boost it up) and taste, adding salt and pepper as necessary. Remember that you're dealing with both beef and tomatoes here, both ingredients that simply cry out to be seasoned with salt.
5. Serve over a pillow of mashed potatoes and a glass of red wine. Hey, you opened a bottle to reduce those vegetables, didn't you? May as well. :)

Lekker: Mashed Brussels Sprouts

Everyone keeps going on and on about mashed cauliflower as an alternative to mashed potatoes; that crap is like the herpes of Pinterest. Unfortunately for me I've never been able to perfect the recipe--it always turns out too grainy or too watery and exactly 0% "just like mashed potatoes."

Um, excuse me, you are not fooling me. I know mashed potatoes.

I'm not saying they're terribly GREAT for you or anything, being only simple carbohydrates, fat and salt...but isn't that the very definition of a comfort food?

This stuff, though...these mashed Brussels sprouts leave that cauliflower mush in the dust and are so satisfying, and so comforting, I *may* never need to make mashed potatoes again.

Maybe. Let's not get totally out of hand here.

This is really fantastic stuff, though, and if you've already turned your nose at it because it's Brussels sprouts, you need an intervention! Brussels sprouts were brutalised for most of us, I think, with clumsy over-boiling until they were little green balls of sulphuric hell. Roasting baby Brussels brings out a crispy outer texture and sweet nutty overtones, and I'll have a recipe for that soon, but in the meantime, give this bad boy a shot. I'm SURE the concept of mashed Brussels sprouts seems strange, but what's life without a little (or in my case, a great lot) or strangeness? :)

This is the consistency I achieved using only a potato mashed, but if you want it smoother you could run it through with a pair of beaters.

Mashed Brussels Sprouts
serves about 2 as a side dish with a smidge for leftovers

What You Need
1 lb fresh Brussels sprouts (I buy the bag from Trader Joes, but if you can score them straight on the stalk at a farmer's market, by all means snag those! They look so cool, like something you'd see in Doctor Who!)
4-5 tablespoons salted butter, cut into pieces
1/3 cup half-and-half (or more, to adjust the consistency to your liking)
Salt & pepper, to taste

What You Do
1. I think this is even simpler and faster that mashed potatoes. Just wash your Brussels sprouts lightly (if they're fresh, there might still be a bit of sand/dirt on them) and trim the ends off, removing any grubby outer leaves. Slice into quarters, and toss into a steamer basket. If you don't have a steamer basket, GET ONE! It's just a little basket you pop into a pot that will keep your veggies elevated above the inch or so of water you'll put in the bottom. It's MAGIC.

2. Steam just until the sprouts are bright green and fork tender. Lift the steamer basket out, drain the water, and pop the sprouts back into the pot. Add your butter and half-and-half and go to work with a standard potato masher. Add salt and pepper to taste, aaaaand....you're done!

I asked my roommate TB to have a taste to let me know his thoughts. He dipped his spoon in, and was quiet. He dipped his spoon in again. He dipped his spoon in AGAIN...and I wrested the bowl away from him. Yep, "good enough I could eat the whole bowl!"

Lekker: Slow Cooker Buffalo Chicken Lettuce Wraps

I haven't actually blogged in awhile because my fingers actually hurt too much to type. It's too cold. I just sat on my hands for a bit to warm them up to write this sentence, and now my butt is just cold. It was 20 degrees when I left the house this morning. My friend Tiny Bird sent me a text message yesterday saying: "I WANT TO BOP THIS COLD WEATHER ON THE HEAD. RAWR."

Winter, we are so done.

We live in DC, by the way, not planet Hoth. This is not acceptable, at least not without a Taun-Taun and a lightsaber (purple, please, with Anakin's handle).

ANYWAYS, today's recipe has nothing to do with the cold or being suitable for the cold or anything even vaguely cutely relating to the cold because there is no rhyme or reason to this blog or my life. I just really really wanted buffalo chicken, and I also really really want to not get fat, so I wrap it in lettuce instead of bread. When feeding my man-friends on football Sundays, though, it's always piled high on top of a toasted buttered Kaiser roll and served with heaps of bleu cheese and pickles on the side.

Buffalo Chicken Lettuce Wraps
serves 4

What You Need
4 skinless boneless chicken breasts (You can also do a mix of breasts and thighs if you're freaky like that concerned about it being too dry, but of course thigh meat has more fat than breast meat and it's all doused in sauce anyway.)
~1.5 bottles of buffalo wing sauce (Yeah I know this is a really inexact measurement, sorry. I always buy two bottles and use about 3/4 of each because I'm never convinced that just ONE brand can have the exact flavour I want. After years of experimenting I've decided that a 50/50 mix of Texas Pete's Extra Mild Buffalo Wing Sauce and Frank's Red Hot Wing Sauce in the classic Buffalo flavour is the perfect mixture.)
2 T butter, chopped into small pieces

To Serve:
Lettuce leaves of choice (Unless your choice is "iceberg" lettuce, because that stuff is a nutritionally empty waste of space on a plate--I recommend Romaine leaves, Boston lettuce, Butter lettuce, or Bibb lettuce. I used Bibb.) 
Bleu cheese dressing (Marie's Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing is the best of the bunch, free of MSG, but you can also make your own by stirring together some blue cheese crumbles and a wee bit of half-and-half, microwaving at 10-second interval until it becomes saucy to your liking!)
Peeled, diced cucumber for crunch (optional; I just really like having pickles with my traditional buffalo chicken sandwiches but didn't think that would be terribly delicious with lettuce, and since pickles ARE cucumbers, it's only logical...)

What You Do
1. Toss the chicken breasts into a slow cooker and dump the sauce on top, turning the chicken around so everything is well coated. Sprinkle the butter bits on top, cover and cook on High for 3-4 hours or on Low for 6-7 hours.

2. Done! Shred the chicken up with two forks and return to the slow cooker to soak up the leftover sauce (feel free to add more at this stage if it's not saucy enough for you) and warm back up. Serve piled on top of lettuce leaves with the condiments and additions of your choice. Done!

Lekker: Shrimp & Avocado Salad

I try to be pretty picky about the kinds of recipes I put up on the blog--I cook a LOT, and they aren't all winners. That's why everything I put up here is something I would make again and share with others, but this...this I could eat every day for a month and never complain.

As with most things in life, sometimes the best things are the SIMPLEST things! This Shrimp & Avocado salad is totally brainless, but so refreshing, so light, so delicious, and so applicable. I've eaten shamelessly devoured it by itself, on toasted baguette as an appetizer, on top of crunchy romaine lettuce as an even fuller salad, and even sprinkled with Parmesan in a grilled sandwich. ALL GOOD THINGS. And since I've decided that I am 17 shades of DONE with winter and forcibly moving ahead to summer (if my "bikini body" could get the memo that'd be great), it's extra perfect.

Maybe not the most pristine, photogenic salad in the world, but who cares.

Shrimp & Avocado Salad
usually serves 2 if tossed on top of some chopped romaine lettuce

What You Need
1/2 pound shrimp, peeled, deveined, tail-off and cooked (These particular ones I found at Trader Joe's and all I had to do was run them under some cold water to thaw for 5 minutes and they were DELICIOUS.)
1 avocado, diced
1 large tomato-on-the-vine, or 2 Roma tomatoes, or a large handful of cherry tomatoes, or whatever, diced
1/2 cup peeled and diced cucumber (this wound up being about 1/3 of a large English cucumber)
1 green spring onion, chopped

~2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves (no stems)
~1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
~1/2 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice (or bottled I guess, but use sparingly since it's often stronger)
2-3 dashes chili powder
S & P, to taste

What You Do
1. Um...toss everything together? Stir really well to combine (the avocado will break down a bit and create a lovely creamy dressing with the EVOO and the lemon juice, but add more if you want to) and let it hang out in the fridge for about 10 minutes so the flavours marry, and...enjoy!

Lekker: Bacon Wrapped Baked Eggs

This post is about bacon. That alone should be enough to grab your attention. How about breakfast for dinner? I'm a big fan of that, since my love for eggs is WELL documented, and usually by the time I am home and have had a glass of wine, breakfast is about as complicated as it gets around here! This little dish takes about 30 minutes to whip up start to finish and is fancy enough to do for a Sunday brunch, for a winkwinknudgenudge morning after, or to make yourself feel fancy for dinner. Bottom line: this stuff is the SHIT.

Give it a spin.

Serve with a fresh green salad for lunch, steamed/grilled/sauteed asparagus and feta for dinner, or with some cut fruit and a tall glass of OJ (read: mimosa) for breakfast.

Because bacon.

Bacon Wrapped Baked Eggs
makes 1 serving

What You Need
serves 1; scale up as needed, depending on how many guests you have the morning after--I'm not judging
2 slices bread OR a bit of Pillsbury croissant or biscuit dough (in the pop-open tins that are like jack-in-the-boxes for adults, that is to say, awful)
2 eggs
4 slices of bacon (thick cut, applewood smoked, whatever you like)
Optional: shredded cheddar cheese (yes), sliced scallions or green spring onions (yes), salt and pepper (of course) and/or anything else you like with your eggs.

What You Do
1. Preheat your oven to 375 and grease a muffin tin well. If you're using slices of bread, use a highball glass to stamp out two circles of bread, smooshing them down into the bottom and sides of the muffin tin. You'll want to spray the bread with whatever Pam or melted butter or whatever you used to grease the pan, too. If you're using the croissant dough, just unroll it and layer it on the bottom and sides of the muffin tin. That's stuff got enough grease on its own to be a musical.

 See?

2. Cook the bacon in the microwave until it's pliable but not cooked. Usually this takes only about a minute for me. Wrap two pieces in a "halo" of sorts above the bread, overlapping each other a bit.

3. You can add cheese/onions/herbs to the bottom and then pile the egg on top, or vice versa. Usually I do a bit of both. So, I drop a wee bit of sliced onions and shredded cheese on top of the bread, and crack an egg into that lovely little well you've made. Then top with more cheese, onions, salt and pepper, because you worked hard today putting up with all those idiots out there and you deserve it.

 Voila!

4. YOU'RE DONE. Pop into the oven for about 16 minutes and enjoy a whiskey drink, then remove. Depending on how hot your oven gets you might want to start checking at 14 minutes; take it out when the whites are solid and cooked through. Let it cool for about 3 minutes (this gives the bread and egg time to release itself from the sides of the muffin tin) and run a knife around the edges, popping out onto a warm plate. Serve with your vegetable of choice (to counteract all that whiskey and bacon, of course) and bask in the praise of whomever you've decided to bless with this.

Lekker: Raspberry Chia Jam

Chi-chi-chi-CHIA!

Did I just throw you back? Back to the days of infomercials, before TiVo, back before I discovered my black thumb and I thought I actually stood a chance of keeping one of those things alive? Look, you can even get one of Barack Obama and if THAT isn't just a *shade* on the nose I don't know what is.

Anyway, so apparently chia seeds are a thing OUTSIDE of the infomercial world, even though the red squiggly line underneath it is telling me Blogger disagrees. Shut up, Blogger. People are actually eating it, and as I'm always game to try the latest food trend to see if it's hipster bullshit or actually delicious, I picked some up at Trader Joe's last weekend.

First things first: they are teeny tiny light gray seeds that look like fleas.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but it's TRUE! I figured we could just get that out of the way, dry heave quickly, and move on.

Moving on, the thing that intrigued me most about these flea-seeds when researching them online was their gelatinous properties. That is, if you mix them with a bit of water and let them hang out, the high content of fibre creates a gel-like substance making this a PERFECT substitute for pectin AND gelatin! That is a bizarro and freakin' cool quality, and a big deal for two reasons. (Normal people don't get excited about this kind of thing but I do so bear with me because I'm about to drop some knowledge on you.)

First, pectin. Pectin is the substance that makes jams and marmalades...um...jammy. It's a thickening agent found naturally in the cell walls of plants that makes homemade jams gel to form a nicer spreading consistency.

Second, as a substitute for gelatin, chia is the BOMB. Do you know what gelatin is? It's the stuff in Jell-O and puddings and so on that's derived from collagen. Collagen is the stuff being shot into celebrities faces to make them look younger so that's probably where you've heard about it, but it's naturally found in skin, ligaments, bones, and tendons and you render it out by...boiling it. Seriously, it's true. Jell-O is artificially coloured boiled pig skin and cow skulls. Yummy! Who's hungry?

No, that's disgusting shit and you shouldn't be eating it. You think they make sure the skin is all nice and clean before they boil it? HA HA. If that doesn't sound like some insane Hannibal Lecter type shit to you, then perhaps you deserve what you're eating.

Sidebar: I'm not a fan of things with Jell-o and pudding-like consistency in the first place. It confuses me. I don't know how to eat it. Chew it? Swallow it? Gum it? Smush it through my teeth? No, just no, I prefer my foods to have a more defined identity, thanks. But, for those of you who ARE octogenarians and like that stuff, congratulations! Chia seeds are your new friends.

Back to pectin. I've been tinkering around with jams and marmalades for about two years ever since I spent Boxing Day one holiday with my Dad and friend Brenda trying to make calamondine marmalade. For the life of us none of us could remember/figure out what to use to actually make it JAMMY instead of a runny, sugary mess, and looking back...I have no idea why none of us Google searched it. (I blame the Cinzano day drinking.) Pectin was the answer as we've just learned (were you paying attention?) but since I'm always looking to add nutritional value to anything I make whenever possible, chia seeds STOMP pectin in that department--much like I fervently hope DMX will do to George Zimmerman in short order.

CHIA SEEDS: Fibre! Vitamins! Sustained energy! Superfood! You're not listening anymore and it doesn't matter; here's one way you can introduce it to your diet AND pat yourself on the back for making your own homemade jam. It's so easy and I guarantee it will impress the shit out of your overnight guest when you serve them homemade jam on waffles next-day. See: possible Valentine's Day Morning After breakfast. If you're lucky.

Raspberry Chia Jam
makes about 1/2 to 3/4 cup finished jam

What You Need
1 tablespoon chia seeds
2 1/2 tablespoons water
1 cup raspberries (or blueberries if you want blueberry jam, or blackberries if you want blackberry jam, see how this works?)
2 teaspoons honey or agave nectar, more or less, to your tastes

What You Do
1. In a small bowl, mix the chia seeds with the water and let them sit for about 10 minutes. Then they'll look like this!

2. Then in a blender, Magic Bullet, or in a small bowl using an immersion blender, blend everything together. That's seriously it. No dicing, no cooking, no heat, nothing. NEVER have I had such a cool DIY project with so minimal effort. If only there were someone to impress on Valentine's Day morning.

Gentlemen! Now auditioning.

Lekker: Feta Dip

Today's recipe comes from Sweet Paul, one that's been hangin' around on my Pinterest boards for ages while I waited for an excuse to whip it up. I got a GREAT one on Saturday night when my girlfriends Lilypad, Tiny Bird, Sammy Anne and I had a good old fashioned girl's night/slumber party--ladies, have you had one of those recently? Now I don't mean going out and getting wasted with your girlfriends and then coming back to crash at their places--I mean sitting around a coffee table laden with snacks on the living room floor, watching romantic comedies and stuffing your faces and laughing until you cry? That's exactly what we did and man, it is good for the heart.

However, since we are "grown ups" (LOL) instead of Ben & Jerry's we had gelato and sorbetto, and in lieu of greasy pizza we whipped up baked Brie and prosciutto and THIS delicious feta dip. I know, we're all just so painfully sophisticated right? Don't worry--I may have been sipping a Lemon Ginger Martini, but I was doing it in a leopard print onesie and making dick jokes through Cards Against Humanity, so, some things never change.

Sidebar: Have you guys ever played that game, Cards Against Humanity? SO. MUCH. FUN. You get to learn aaaaaalll sorts of things about your friends with this little doozy...for example, my sweet, classy, Southern Belle friend Lilypad? Turns into a completely dirty deviant! The hippie, flowers-in-her-braided-hair museum studies/art history major Sammy Anne? That woman just wants to watch the world burn. And Tiny Bird, well...she just wants to play with dead babies and coolers full of organs from Mexico, but I was pretty sure of that already. It's just as despicable, awkward and hilarious as it sounds, and you can buy it here.

Fun way to find out what your friends REALLY think of you, too.

Eat this while you play.

I repurposed the original feta container, because I'm lazy eco-friendly like that.

Feta Dip

serves 4

What You Need

8 ounces feta cheese, crumbled (I am over-the-moon obsessed with the "Authentic Greek Feta" from Trader Joe's, because it IS actually legit--made from sheep's milk and packed in brine, that stuff is utterly addicting.)

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tablespoon grated lemon zest (I only had limes on hand so that's what I used, but lemon is better)

2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Dash or two of dried thyme

Pinch of freshly ground black pepper

6 tablespoons olive oil
Optional: 1 tablespoon Greek yogurt, if you feel like it needs to lighten up a bit

Sliced cucumbers, pita chips, and/or tomatoes for dipping & serving

What You Do

1. Throw everything into a blender or Magic Bullet, or do what I did and just use an immersion blender and a deep bowl. Done! Make sure to let this sit in the fridge for a few hours before you serve it so the flavours have a chance to marry, like half my friends these days.

Lekker: Bacon Braised Collard Greens

As you may recall, I was born and partially raised in South Africa--hence the "SouthAfricanBokkie" tag that shows up here, and elsewhere. "Bokkie" is a South African slang word for "darling" or "sweetie". After my family moved to the States, though, we settled in Florida and I grew up absorbing some of what it is to be a "Southern girl." My best girlfriends Lilypad and Tiny Bird emulate this infinitely more than I ever could, especially Lilypad with her pearl necklaces and sweet, preppy sundresses and sorority sisters, but a few things did stick--sweet tea, church on Sundays (well, sometimes), country music and a STELLAR pair of boots. I've been known to slip into my Southern drawl from time to time, as well, especially when sweet tea vodka is involved!

I was feeling rather in touch with my Southern-girl side this past weekend and craved some good old fashioned comfort food, this time taking the form of these bacon braised collard greens. EVERYONE down South knows how to prepare these 'dam good eats', and now you will, too. 

Oh, and ladies? If you've never dated a true Southern gentleman...FIND ONE. Trust me. Just trust me.

 South African by birth, Southern by the grace of...a green card? Close enough.

Bacon Braised Collard Greens
serves 4

What You Need
1 bag (16 ounces) collard greens, pre-cut and pre-washed because I am lazy and the child of American convenience
8 ounces applewood smoked thick cut bacon, chopped (I used Trader Joe's "Ends and Pieces" since they are the thickest cuts of bacon I can ever find)
1 large onion, sliced
4-5 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes, plus a pinch more for finishing
1 dash cinnamon (trust me on this)
1 1/2 cups low sodium chicken broth
1/4 cup apple cinder vinegar
S&P, to taste

What You Do
1. In a large pot (collards will wilt way down as they cook, but at first they're pretty huge and you'll want to make sure you have enough room to stuff them all in there) over medium heat, cook the bacon, stirring often, until most of the fat has rendered out and the bacon is crisp. Remove the bacon using a slotted spoon to drain on some paper towels.

2. In all that delicious bacon fat, toss in your onions and cook for about 5 minutes or until they're soft and golden. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about a minute or so. Add the red pepper flakes and cinnamon and stir well to combine. Now's the time when you stuff in all those collard greens and stir constantly until they turn bright green and are well immersed with the onions and bacon fat. Turn the heat to low and add the chicken broth. Cover and simmer at a bare simmer for about 15-20 minutes, stirring often.Monitor the liquid content as you go; you don't want it to dry out, but if it's looking too liquidy, just take the cover off to evaporate some.

3. When they're tender to the bite and dark green (and smell AHMAZING), add in the crisped bacon and the vinegar and stir all together to combine. Turn off the heat and let it sit covered for about 5 minutes. I find that the sodium of the bacon and the chicken broth is PLENTY salty, but feel free to taste and adjust at this stage.

I am so mad about these I just want to eat a whole big bowlful for dinner with a couple of slices of toasted, buttered bread--but you can also serve this with those Perfect Mashed Potatoes we talked about, and sausage or two.

Lekker: Perfect Mashed Potatoes

I'm going to cut straight to the chase here: I HAVE DISCOVERED THE SECRET TO PERFECT MASHED POTATOES. 

Ready?

It's baking powder. Wut.

The few people to whom I have divulged this secret thus far have greeted me with skepticism, confusion, and befuddlement. Yes. I know. It's totally weird. Nonetheless, somehow I found myself on this webpage the other day featuring an old recipe for "French Mashed Potatoes" from a Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook that does in fact call for one teaspoon of baking powder. I couldn't wait to give it a try, to see if this really WAS the Holy Grail of mashed potatoes, for my dinner last night of Bangers 'n Mash with Bacon Braised Collard Greens (recipe for that coming soon).

The verdict: yes, it really does make a difference. Yes, they really were fluffy clouds of comfort food. And ya know, I know this is legit, because I didn't do anything else differently this time except adding the teaspoon of baking powder! I'm curious to know how it works, because baking powder is a chemical leavener that contains both the acid and the base required to create a release of CO2 gases that then create that fluffiness, but you'd think that potatoes wouldn't have enough "liquid" in order to make proper use of that theory...hmm. In doing some research on the topic this morning, I stumbled across this hilarious thread of people fighting about mashed potatoes on the Internet. Because apparently that's a thing that people do. I can only assume that it ended with the brandishing of beaters at the computer screen.

Anyway, what follows is what I have defined as my go-to, do-it-in-my-sleep classic mashed potatoes recipe. I've included options at the end for ways to change it up, as well as my just-as-delicious dairy-free version, but if you've yet to master this beloved side dish give it a shot!

Alright well fine they don't look as good as they taste here but we've already established I suck at photography and besides food is for eating anyway. So just...eat it.

Perfect Mashed Potatoes
serves 4

What You Need
4-6 medium Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled (The type of potato you use *IS* important! Don't just go picking up any bag, and don't assume that Russet potatoes are the gold standard. They are not. Gold potatoes are the gold standard. No but seriously, certain potatoes are better suited for certain purposes according to their "waxiness": hardy red skinned potatoes typically hold up well for potato salad but make a very starchy and heavy mashed potato; Russet potatoes are excellent for baking; and Yukon Gold [or other "gold"] potatoes are the creme de la creme for whipping into mashed potatoes.)
4 T salted butter
1/3 cup light cream
1 teaspoon baking powder (powder, not soda)
1/2 teaspoon salt
Dash of ground black pepper

What You Do
1. Peel and dice your potatoes into chunks about 1/2 inches big. Doesn't have to be scientific, just try to get them all a similar size. Dump them into a medium sized pot and cover with cold water, salting the water well. Bring to a boil, then down to a simmer for about 20 minutes or until the potatoes are fork tender. Try not to let them overcook to the point where they're falling apart in the water, as they become waterlogged and soggy that way.

2. Once the potatoes are done, drain them well of water and add the butter, cream, baking powder, salt, and pepper. Beat with a hand mixer for only about 2 minutes or until well beaten and fluffed. If you don't have a hand mixer, mash them up as best you can with a potato masher and then whip vigorously with a whisk. It's a good arm workout. Ta-dah! You're done!

 There are a zillion ways to jazz up your mashed potatoes if you're bored of the classics:

• Boil the potatoes in chicken broth or stock instead of plain water.
• Beat in some snipped fresh chives or spring onions to add colour.
• Make indulgent cheesy mashed potatoes by adding half a cup (or more lol) of shaved Parmesan or cheddar cheese.
• Crispy bacon pieces on top. Duh.
• For tangy Southern potatoes, switch in buttermilk in place of the light cream.  
• Stir in some oven roasted garlic for garlic mashed potatoes. Instructions for how to roast garlic can be found in my previous blog entry for Roasted Tomato Garam Masala Soup.
• To make dairy free mashed potatoes, use Earth Balance "butter" in place of regular butter and swap out original coconut milk (NOT flavoured obviously) for the light cream.