Lagniappe: FAIL.

Consistency is not my strong suit. My best friend Ghost once told me I was predictable in my unpredictability, so it's safe to say I won't be sticking to some sort of blogging "schedule"--my life is structured enough, thanks!

It's not that I'm not cooking though. I always am, usually about 5 days a week, tooling around with new recipes or finessing old ones with the eventual goal of posting them here. But, like any human I am prone to failure and not all of these recipes are successes! Whether it's due to human error on my part or a poorly written original recipe, the gaps in posting can be chalked up to something that didn't work out.

My godfather Harry suggested that I *do* write about my failures to have a more balanced viewpoint, but without any positive conclusion (this recipe was totally screwy, but LOOK, here's how I fixed it!) it's just a long FAIL blog post and no one wants that. For example, do you want to read an entire post about how the Lemon Blueberry Loaf I attempted on Monday was too moist, too dense, and wayyyyy too much work with glazing this and sifting that and zesting this and the other thing? At the end of the day it's just me being mad at a cake on my counter and what is THAT? No.

If I think a recipe is worth another shot (that cake is not, btw) I will continue to work with it and tweak it (like the Crispy Zucchini Cakes I attempted and screwed up--too much onion, too much moisture, cakes too big and tall) until I have a success, where I will write about it and mention how I royally effed it all up before so that you don't have to waste your time making my same mistakes. See: History; repeating itself, et. al.

tl; dr I don't blog about my failed cooking escapades because that's stupid and not the point of this blog.

I'm in Long Island with my Bonus Parents (godparents that are way more than godparents) this Labor Day weekend so I won't be doing much experimenting. In the meantime, drink one for me to toast the end of summer (BUT WHO IS REALLY WANTING TO TOAST THAT??? COME HERE SO I CAN SMACK YOU!) and I'll be back in the kitchen with flour on my nose and sugar sparkling on my skin next week.

The shitty, ill-fated Lemon Blueberry Loaf.

Lagniappe, or, A Little Somethin' Somethin'

I used to date a guy (we'll call him Lupin) from New Orleans who taught me all sorts of awesome Cajun slang while we were together, to my increasing amusement. They sure do have a fascinating way of talkin' down there! My favourite word is "lagniappe" which sounds ugly the way it's spelled (lag-nee-ap-pay?), but is actually pronounced "LAN-yap". It means "a little extra" and is used when purchasing something from a vendor. For example, when a baker throws in an extra donut for free (to make a baker's dozen of 13), that is lagniappe; or if I were to go to a street market and purchase some veggies and said to the vendor "How about some lagniappe?" he might throw in a bunch of cilantro or something for me. Apparently it's still widely practiced in Louisiana and I LOVE this concept and custom.

I'll be using this word in my blog post titles for things that don't fit strictly into the "Lekker" (food and dessert recipes) or "Liquor" (drinks, obvi) categories--just a little somethin' somethin' extra.

So, here's today's lagniappe, which had me laughing my ass off on Pinterest yesterday.

MIND. BLOWN.

Lekker: Bread & Butter Pickles

There are lots of reasons why I love to cook, to bake, and to futz around in the kitchen in general.

One is that I love to engage my mind by expanding my skill set and learning new things about flavour combination, technique, and food chemistry.

Two is that I like having a hobby that is productive of something, where I have something to show for it at the end of the day. Creating something (a dish) out of nothing (just "ingredients") to share with others is fulfilling, to me anyway.

Over the weekend I had some time to kill on a gloomy Sunday afternoon and a brand new mandolin that I was just itching to use, so I decided to refer to Reason #1 by attempting homemade pickles for the first time. I like these low-investment experiments because even if I screw it all up, all I've lost is a cucumber and some vinegar, so no tears shed. (Pshh, as if.) Plus, I *LOVE* pickles. Claussen Dill Spears are my all-time favourite; you find them in the refrigerated section because they're not hot brined like most pickles (and this recipe is) so they are suuuuper crunchy and bright and sharp in flavour. I've always asserted that these pickles are the best appetite suppressant out there. I don't know if it's the acidity of the vinegar or what, but whenever I'm feeling like I want to snack for no reason I just chomp on a few of those and I'm satisfied.

This recipe is not for those kind of pickles. Sorry to disappoint after all that raving, but I have no clue how to make those. Blame it on my ADD, baby. THIS recipe, however, is for a basic bread-and-butter type pickle that goes well on sammiches and could be further processed into a BOMB sweet relish. Up to you. You don't need to have a mandolin to make this, as long as you've got a steady hand with a knife and a good eye for making even slices. I, however, find using the mandolin very peaceful and way too much fun to the point that now I'm just looking around my kitchen for things I can slice, julienne, or crinkle cut. (But not my hand; I managed to slice off part of my finger by accident by getting too enthusiastic and misjudging how much room was left between the cucumber and my digits. Oh well. Respawn!)

Don't those feathery fronds looks just so pretty floating around in there? Note how I did not stuff my jar properly. Lesson learned for next time. 

Bread and Butter Pickles

What You Need
1 large English cucumber (those are the long skinny ones in shrink wrap)
2 cups distilled white vinegar
1 cup white granulated sugar
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon mustard seed
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
1/8 teaspoon turmeric (sidebar: this spice is a real superfood; sneak it in wherever you can)
1 bunch dill fronds, about 1.5 cups

Righty-o then, here we go.

What You Do
1. First thing to do is prep the veggies. Slice up the cucumbers into pickle-sized slices, whatever that means to you. On a baking sheet lined with paper towels, sprinkle down a layer of salt. Lay the cucumbers down and sprinkle more salt on top. Let sit for about 15 minutes to draw out some of the moisture, then press down with another layer of paper towels to pat them dry.

2. While the cucumbers are sweating it out like a whore in church, you can mix up the brine. In a medium saucepot over medium heat, combine all the other ingredients except the dill fronds and bring to a boil so that the sugar dissolves completely.

3. Stuff your cucumbers into a large glass jar and layer the dill fronds amongst them. I didn't use enough for this batch as you can see so definitely add more since the taste really gets mellowed out by the brine.

Really, stuff the jar full because they'll float and move around and you'll suddenly wind up with more space that you expected.

4. Once the brine comes to a boil, pour it slowly and carefully into the jar. It should come all the way to the top of the jar without much brine left over. If you are panicky about not having enough brine, add another cup of vinegar and another 1/2 cup of sugar in step 2. But really, these are just pickles, there is no reason to get panicky. Seal the jar and stick it in the fridge to...well...pickle! After 24 hours you're good to go. Nom nom.

So like I said, if you want to take it a step further you can drain the pickles and chop them into relish. These got the green light from both housemate TB and I as-is, though I do prefer a less sweet pickle and will therefore continue to tweak this recipe. I'm also going to attempt cold brining to see if I can replicate the crispness of my beloved Claussen Dill Pickles.

Liquor: Pimm's Cup

I love brunch, and I love day drinking, so it should be a surprise to no one that I love morning cocktails. There's just something about a light drink in the lazy morning that is the epitome of complete weekend indulgence and relaxation. I've been warned that I will find myself swept up in the melee of soccermomhood before I know it (SCARY!) so I'm making a good effort to enjoy this kind of life while I can.

Mimosas will always be my favourite and the go-to classic for most places, although my dear friend and often brunch partner Lilypad always goes for the gold with a Bloody Mary. This cocktail, though, is a wonderful alternative that many Americans aren't aware of: the Pimm's Cup. It's actually a very old cocktail that was historically enjoyed by the colonists (in fact I first discovered it on a fall trip to Colonial Williamsburg a few years ago) and by their erstwhile compatriots back in Britain for eons before that. The sweet, utterly refreshing taste is the perfect way to wake up on a beautiful lazy Sunday, but in fact you can drink it at any time of day, really, since the alcohol content is only 25%. Hell, you can throw it in a tumbler and call it iced tea if you want--don't let those other soccer moms judge you!

Pimm's Cup
makes 1 bomb-ass wake up cocktail. Sunflowers optional.

What You Need
Pimm's liqueur
Sprite or 7-Up
Sliced cucumber, for garnish (this is NOT optional!!!)

What You Do
Stack a tall glass with ice, and fill with Pimm's about a third of the way. Top off with Sprite or 7-Up, add a cucumber slice or two and one on the rim for garnish, and you're golden.

Seriously, the cucumber slice is not optional. The point of including one on the rim is so that every time you tip the glass up to take a sip, your nose takes a whiff of the cuke as an accompaniment to the flavours of the liqueur. There is science behind garnishes, people!

Lekker: Cheesy Baked Spaghetti Squash

Here's another little gem that was pinged my way by the mysterious Lucas, shared between housemate TB and I for dinner last night. He's getting back on his vegan/vegetarian diet so we're making good use of the overabundance of vegetables from our garden, and everything you see here was grown by him. On a personal level, it always pleases me when I have an opportunity to show my gratitude to TB for being such a thoughtful, caring and creative housemate. He informed me last night that he's planted spinach, turnips and beans for the fall simply because I made a throw-away remark last week that I'd never cooked with turnips before and wanted to. He's awesome, right?! Thank youuuuu Craigslist!

I also like this recipe because it's INTENDED for two people. Come on y'all, don't be #foreveralone on this one--call up a friend or neighbor to join you (or a secretly despised enemy...just remember which half you put the arsenic into.)

The photo does not do this justice; I dunno WHAT was going on with my iPhone/kitchen lighting here...trust me, it's delicious. 

Cheesy Baked Spaghetti Squash
makes 2 large servings

What You Need
1 large spaghetti squash
2 T olive oil, divided (that means you aren't going to use it all at once, read the recipe)
4-6 Roma tomatoes, depending on their size. Use your judgement as usual.
a large handful of basil
4-5 chives
about 3/4 cup good quality Parmesan cheese, or more, whatever you want
S&P, to taste

What You Do
1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Now, we gotta slice that squash in half lengthwise and you will quickly realize that it's kind of a mother of a task. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BE CAREFUL. Use a really sharp large knife (or a meat cleaver, for reals) and GO SLOW and again, BE CAREFUL. Drink your wine AFTER this part. It is *so* easy for the knife to slip. It took me a hot minute to get it done, but eventually I did get into it. (Protip: Don't waste your time with serrated knives. They don't work and you will only wind up with a growing pile of reject knives in the corner of the cutting board at which your roommate will glance suspiciously.)

2. You got it open without stabbing yourself? YAY! It's all gravy from here. Using a spoon, scoop out the seeds and the obviously stringy bits. Brush the squash (the inside parts duh) with about 1 tablespoon of olive oil and add salt and pepper. On a foil-lined baking sheet, turn them cut side DOWN and put them in the oven for 30 minutes.

All nicely brushed, now flip 'em over and into the oven they go.

3. So while that's rockin' and rollin' in the oven, you can dice up your Roma tomatoes, the chives (KEEP CALM AND CHIVE ON!) and basil and add it all to a big bowl with the other tablespoon of olive oil, and a wee bit more salt and pepper if you like. I just let it marinate for about 15 minutes while I waited for the squash to finish cooking.

Obviously I didn't use all of that, I'm just showing off here.

4. After about 30 minutes in the oven your squash should be done. Take it out of the oven and flip it over carefully to check the insides. They should be soft. If not, throw them back in for another 5-10 minutes. But if they're done, let them cool for a few minutes until you can handle them. Turn on the broiler in your oven because it'll take awhile to heat up. You'll want to use a fork to shred out the insides into the awesome little spaghetti-like strings that give this bad boy its name in the first place. So fun! Dump those into the bowl with the tomatoes as you gather it all up.

5. So once that's all combined, you stuff it back into the shells of the squash and top it with Parmesan cheese. Please, do not insult these beautiful vegetables by using that powdered crap. That is not cheese. You can find the good stuff in the specialty cheeses section of any grocery store.

6. Broil for 3-5 minutes or until the cheese gets all nicely browned and melty and smells like heaven. I suppose you could serve this with grilled chicken or something else, but TB and I loved it just as is.

The ONLY thing I would do differently would be to add some crumbled bacon when it comes time to stuff everything back in the shells. I think it really could benefit from that richness, but honestly we were both scraping the shells with glee anyway so I'd say it's a success.

Voila! Serve with a glass of white wine. (Because of course.)

Lekker: Homemade Feta-ish Cheese

I suppose this recipe is the one that started this blog in the first place, and if I made any sense at all I would have made this the first entry. But whatevs. I tried my hand at this last weekend for the first time on a whim and posted the results to Instagram. My friend Eliza begged for the recipe and gave me the push I needed to start this little thing, so here we are!

I got the idea from a buddy of mine, Lucas, who I'm fairly certain is some sort of international secret agent or former drug lord. Jury's still out; all I know is that he's already retired at age 32 and does nothing all day except cook delicious things whilst drinking and sends me pictures of all of it. Drives me bananas, but he gives me good recipes so we're still friends. This came about because he had picked about a dozen ears of fresh corn from his garden and wondered what to do with them. I suggested a simple roasted corn salad, which calls for feta cheese, and two hours later I get a photo that features a pan of insta-made feta cheese. WHAT?! That's a thing? You can do that?

Apparently.

Farmer Henry shows you how, here, and he's the most adorable farmer I've ever seen.

His video is for making goat's cheese, which obviously uses goat's milk. I didn't have that on hand and Lucas had made it with cow's milk and enjoyed it that way, so I followed his lead. 

I halved the recipe as well since my thighs do not need three cups of cheese sitting in my fridge, so here goes:

Homemade Two Hour "Feta"-ish Cheese
makes about 1.5 cups of cheese

I have "feta" in quotation marks there because this isn't a TRUE feta cheese. It's not brined for a week, and it's not made out of sheep's milk or goat's milk. I did try a second batch with goat's milk, but having done zero research on it I used the only goat's milk I could find at the store which was ultra-pasteurized--which you apparently cannot use. It refused to curdle (stubborn brat) and I wound up throwing it all down the sink. As soon as I can get my hands on some sheep's milk, I will be making this recipe with that--plus experimenting with a brine for a few days. But that's all for later, for now, CHEESE!

What You Need
1/2 gallon whole cow's milk (I used organic)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
cheesecloth (which you can usually find in the grocery store by the alu foil and cling wrap; sometimes I think it's called butter muslin and you can use either)
a strainer of some kind 
Optional: olive oil, lemon juice, salt & pepper for seasoning

What You Do
1. Pour the milk into a large non-reactive metal pot (that means no aluminum) on the stove over medium-low heat. You'll need a wooden spoon and a bit of patience for this part, because you're going to have to park your butt at the stove for about 15 minutes to bring that milk to a slow boil. Stir gently and constantly to keep it moving, otherwise you'll scald the milk and it'll taste all weird. Don't be a lazy ass and turn up the heat, it'll get there.

2. As soon as it gets to a boil, turn off the heat and add the 1/4 cup of vinegar and stir gently. This will cause the milk to break and you'll see curds start to form and the liquid around it (called the whey) will go yellow. Give it a minute or two to finish curdling. Looks disgusting at this stage.

3. Now comes time to strain it. You'll need a large bowl with a strainer set up inside it, into which you will lay your cheesecloth nicely. The point is to ladle or pour this mixture into the cheesecloth, which will be supported by the strainer, so the whey can be collected in the bowl. I'd do this in the sink if I were you. You'll then want to gather up the cheesecloth and squeeze more of the liquid out of it. The drier you get it, the firmer your cheese will be.

Yes, that's the strainer from a salad spinner. It's all I had. Don't judge me. Also, this was after I had poured out all the whey, because there was a LOT and nearly made a giant mess on my countertop. Hence the sink suggestion.

4. So at this point, having done more research after the fact, I learned that most cheese makers tie up the cheesecloth into a nice little bundle and hang it from a wooden spoon that's been laid over a bowl so that it can drain further for a few hours. I didn't know this and would have been too impatient anyway, so I just squeezed the hell out of it until it looked like this:

That's the great thing about trying new things in cooking. When you have no idea what you're doing, it's hard to care too much about doing it "perfectly." Wine helps with this.

Hooray! I then dumped it out into a bowl and tasted it. It was kind of bland and I was sort of disappointed until I remembered that Farmer Henry in all his adorable overall-ed glory told me I could season it however I wanted. Feta cheese has a tang, right? So in went salt and pepper, lots of lemon juice and a little bit of extra virgin olive oil, fluffed with a fork until I thought it tasted great.

The olive oil added a bit of colour, but it wasn't actually yellow, those are just my kitchen lights.

I smooshed it all down into a little Pyrex container trying to compact it as much as possible to form nice crumbles and stuck it in the fridge to cool down and firm up for a few hours. In the meantime I poured myself a(nother) celebratory glass of wine and bragged to Lucas and my friend Ghost about my clear supreme excellence in cheese making. (Nevermind the batch of goat's milk cheese I promptly screwed up not 20 minutes later.)

I ate it sprinkled over grilled eggplant and tomatoes for dinner in the evening, and it was awesome. TB is not a huge fan of feta but he tossed it into a stir fry later in the week and gave me two thumbs up. Will absolutely be doing this again, and you should give it a whirl too. It's easy and pretty step-by-step, and who cares if you screw it up? All that's wasted is a half gallon of milk.

Stay tuned for further variations. I refuse to be thwarted in my quest for a magnificently creamy goat cheese bedecked with fresh cut basil from my garden. 

Lekker: Tomato Bacon Summer Sandwich

This isn't a real post. It's just a sandwich. But the Roma tomatoes in my garden are going nuts and I'm putting them on EVERYTHING. This is my very favourite summer sandwich, so chock full of bursting freshness I could eat it every day.

Tomato Bacon Summer Sandwich
makes 2 sammies

What You Need
4 pieces of your sandwich bread of choice; I love the fresh Tuscan something-or-other from Trader Joe's but you can use any fresh bread with a nice crust and soft insides
1 avocado, mashed and seasoned with S&P to your liking
a few Roma or heirloom tomatoes, sliced into thin lengths
6-8 slices of bacon, cooked to desired crispness
handful of pea shoots (I suppose you could use any sort of sprout here, but the pea shoots have this delicious, sweet-pea taste to them with the most amazing deep green color and fresh crunch; I can only find them at Trader Joe's)
South African Smoke seasoning from TJ's (I swear they should be paying me for how often I cite them; if you can't find this or don't have a Trader Joes near you, you can try experimenting with other smoke seasonings but to me this is the key ingredient--I've made it without, and it's just not the same)

What You Do
Toast the bread slightly, just to give it a bit of crunch. Smear the avocado on each slice; please do not insult this sandwich by putting mayonnaise or butter on it. Avocado is nature's butter, bitches! Use it. It's full of healthy fats and antioxidants, and it's in season. No excuses. Next, layer the tomatoes on top of the avo and add the smoke seasoning and more S&P if you want it. On the other slice, pile on the bacon and the pea shoots on top of it. Snap a photo and Instagram it like a true food hipster and make everyone around you roll their eyes (I don't care; tag me @southafricanbokkie in it) and then dig in.

WOMAN, MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

 Because really, I want one too.

Lekker: Momma's Roasted Butternut Squash Soup

Hello all, and TGIF! I suppose since it's a Friday I should have a fancy featured cocktail recipe of some sort but I've been sitting on this one for a few days and wanted to share it. I have ALSO been challenged to dream up a Mac-and-Cheese Martini, so that's bouncing around in my head for the future. If YOU have something you want me to attempt, e-mail me at SouthAfricanBokkie@gmail.com--I do love a challenge!

So, let me preface this recipe by saying that it is just slightly more complex than some of my other recipes. It doesn't require any special skills, but it'll take just over an hour to complete and requires two "specialized" tools (if you want to call them that) that aren't reeeeeeally that specialized: a citrus zester (though you might be able to get away with the really really fine holes on a cheese grater) and an immersion blender or a regular blender. If you don't have an immersion blender and you're a regular cook, I highly suggest you get one. KitchenAid I think makes one for like $30 and I've found it to be immensely useful over the years for all sorts of soups, sauces, pestos, etc. But, you can of course use a regular blender for this as well.

This particular recipe is very near and dear to my heart because it is the creation of my dear sweet Mamon. I suppose most memories take on a bit of a rose-hued patina after someone you love dies, but beyond my personal connection with this recipe it's just really GOOD and unique. Many people don't realize what a beautiful soup butternut can make, and most recipes call for a curry taste while this one is so bright and fresh it's almost like springtime. That's why I serve it year-round, really. Wanna give it a shot? Course you do, it's damn delicious.

Roasted Butternut Squash Soup
makes enough for 2 people, IMO
total time: this took me exactly 1 hour and 10 minutes to do, so basically one episode of Orange Is The New Black

What You Need
1 butternut squash, about 2 pounds (or 2 pounds' worth of pre-cut butternut if you can find it...but it's not as good as fresh!)
1 medium onion
Dash or two of white wine
~2 cups of chicken broth or stock
1 orange (normally I give options for lazy people substitutions but not here! This is a must!)
3 T sour cream
vegetable or canola oil
salt & pepper
fresh or dried parsley, to taste

Optional Garnishes: I like a little bit of textural contrast in my soups so I typically top it with a handful of croutons. If you want more creaminess or tang, use a dollop more of sour cream or try crème fraîche. Want a kick? Add a drizzle of sriracha, which looks pretty against the bright yellow too. Or if you really want to be utterly decadent (who doesn't?) you can fry up some bacon or panchetta and top it with THAT. Now that is delicious.

Anyway, 'nough of that. We have to actually MAKE it first before we go garnishing away.

What You Do
1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. First thing you have to do is process your butternut into manageable 1-inch chunks and this is the most time consuming part. BE CAREFUL. Use a sharp chef's knife and go slow, cutting it into circles first and then slicing off the skin. (You may want to use a smaller paring knife for that part.) Scoop out the seeds and discard. Chop up into 1-inch pieces and toss with the oil and salt and pepper to get it nicely seasoned. Spread them out evenly on a baking sheet lined with foil and place in the oven for about 10 minutes.

 Look how pretty!

Something like this. My hand slipped on the oil decanter so this is a bit over-oiled; don't do that because I had to use tongs to put the pieces in the pot to avoid everything becoming an oily mess. Pain in the ass.

2. While that's going, heat a tablespoon of oil (or butter if you want for this stage) in a large pot over medium heat. Dice up the onion and fry it up until it gets all...golden and nice smelling. You can add the wine at this stage; any kind will do but I'm usually drinking Sauvignon Blanc and no, I don't measure, I just tip my wineglass over until I think it's enough. If I was pinned against the wall to give a measurement, I guess I'd say 1/4 of a cup? Little more? What do I know, I'm pinned up against a wall and thinking about other things.

Ahem. Moving on.

3. OK so your onion is sizzling nicely on the stove with the wine and if the buzzer has gone off for your butternut it's time to take it out, give it a quick toss and put it back in for another 10 minutes. You want them to roast up nicely without drying out, so just use your judgement. I'll admit that the original recipe called for simply boiling the butternut, but I find that roasting it gives it such a fantastic depth of flavour that I don't think I'll ever boil it again. At this point you can add the chicken stock to the pot and bring it up to a slow boil. Get to work zesting the entire orange (putting the zest aside to add in a second) and juicing it; you'll want to strain it to get rid of the pulp.

 Since you're zesting, find an orange with a really nice, bright orange healthy skin color. Bonus points if you use a South African navel orange!

4. BZZZT. Squash is done, right? Good. Add it to the pot along with the fresh orange juice and orange zest and go to town with that immersion blender. You want it to be really nicely blended with no chunks. If you're opting to use a blender here, you may have to work in smaller batches and just please for the love of God BE CAREFUL, it is a hot mixture and it will go into a glass container that will also immediately become hot. Now that it's all blended it's time to taste. Adjust salt and pepper to your liking and add parsley for color at this stage, too. Feel free to tweak the amount of chicken stock depending on how thick or thin you like your soups. Let it all simmer together for another 5-10 minutes while you toast up some French bread to serve alongside it, or make a salad or drink another glass of wine. If it's all yummy and bright and spring-y, you can take it off the heat now and stir in the sour cream. Serve right away. Bathe in praise and adoration from your dinner guests.

That's it! In my opinion it's totally worth the work and I always get rave reviews when I make this. Hope you do too.

Kisses,
G

Liquor: Gin Rickey

This isn't a real recipe. I'm only posting it because it was so beautiful outside yesterday that I decided to take my book ("Z": A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald by Therese Anne Fowler) outside to the patio to read, and because it was a day ending in "y" I had plans to have a drink. In keeping with the theme of the Roaring 20's of the novel, it didn't take me long to decide on an absolute classic: a Gin Rickey.

Gin Rickey

What You Need
1.5 ounces gin (or 2 ounces if you're feeling wild; I like Bombay Sapphire)
juice of 1 freshly squeezed lime
club soda

What You Do
The proper way to serve this drink is in a tall Collins glass, which is a clear glass with tall straight sides and a thick bottom, but this is also supposed to be an easy, relaxed drink so you can make it in a Pyrex cup for all I care. Put in some ice, squeeze the lime really well over it and add the gin. Top off with fresh club soda and stir gently. I like to throw in a quarter of the squeezed lime because I like a little bit of the bitterness from the oils of the lime skin in the drink, but it's not necessary. You can garnish with a regular lime wedge or a couple of pretty lime slices if you're feelin' fancy. Go outside, sip, and enjoy.

Lekker: Crispity Crunchity Cuke Salad

This isn't a "real" recipe. This is just one of my favourite salads of all time, one I grew up with and learned at my Mom's elbow and was inspired to eat for dinner last night as a way to get more of my delicious homemade feta cheese into my mouth (recipe coming soon).

I was looking forward to this salad all day; it's so crunchy and refreshing and light and just what I wanted after a cathartic run. Also I'm single and busy, so make no mistake I'm not making full fancy meals for myself every night. I grabbed an English cucumber from Trader's Joes and my currently-preferred olive oil (100% cold pressed, 100% organic from Spain and only $5.99 at TJ's) on my way home from work, thinking I'd use the gorgeous vine-ripened tomatoes I'd pick up from the store only a couple of days ago. WRONG! They were, already, a rotten soggy mouldy mess. I don't deal with disappointment well, so I had a beer. Then, PING! I thought to check out in the garden. My housemate TB had told me that our current tomato cycle was over, but I wandered out there anyway and I found more than enough gorgeous, bright red, PERFECT Roma tomatoes waiting to go into my salad.

I know I'm lucky. Not everyone has these luxuries and I'm well aware of my fortune in TB.

Crispity Crunchity Cuke Salad

makes 1 large salad for a really hungry chick

What You Need

1 English cucumber, peeled (it's the long slim one in the plastic wrap in the grocery store; I like it because I think it's crunchier than the traditional cucumbers, but obviously use whatever you like, this is not Nazi Cucumber)

a handful of Roma tomatoes or any other kind you like, in proportion to the amount of cucumber

feta cheese, same in proportion

olive oil

lemon juice (fresh squeezed or bottled, whatever you have)

S&P

What You Do

It's a salad with like 3 ingredients, how complicated do you think this is? Dice up the cucumber and tomatoes into cute little bite sized pieces. Toss it with enough crumbled feta cheese until you're satisfied. Dress it lightly with equal parts olive oil and lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste and stick it in the fridge to marinate for 15 minutes while you drink another beer and pat yourself on the back for making a salad. Nom.

Sometimes, GOOD doesn't have to mean complicated.

You can see I added some diced kalamata olives here because I wanted more salinity since my cheese was much milder than I'm used to. If you're using store-bought feta cheese I would leave the olives out, because that's a LOT of salt, and bloat works for no one.

Lekker: Clean Eating Egg Muffins

Mornings suck. Well, most mornings. Weekend mornings are the best because they usually involve sleeping in late, cuddling up next to someone special, mimosas, and of course, bacon. However, something went wrong with the universe and time and space and we only have two weekend mornings and five weekday mornings per week, which is some crazy bullsh*t if you ask me, but there you have it. Weekday mornings are their own special kind of hell if you're not a peppy morning person and, like me, have the bar set so low that if you can make it out the door to work with coffee in hand and your dress on the right way out you're already impressed with yourself.

So, breakfast. Ain't nobody got time for that during the week.

But we know it's important! While coffee *is* an appetite suppressant, it's not enough to keep me from turning into a real Moody Judy until I can finally eat lunch at noon. And THEN, that's usually not enough to hold me over until 6:00 PM when I get home and can ravenously destroy something before I go to the gym. It's a terrible system and I would be grouchy in the mornings when my blood sugar bottomed out, and then feel guilty and stupid later on in the afternoon because I couldn't stop myself from snacking around 3:00 PM. These are all poor decisions when you're trying to eat right and make intelligent choices so you can binge guilt-free on the weekends.

I was looking for a reasonable solution that would not require any effort on my part in the morning and stumbled across this recipe on Pinterest. I gave it a whirl several weeks ago and have been hooked since. You can go to the original source recipe, of course, but here is my version that's pretty short, sweet & simple. I whip these up on a Sunday evening and it takes me about 15 minutes of prep plus the baking and cooling time. Even you can do this. One episode of New Girl and they're basically done.

Clean Eating Egg Muffins
makes 12 muffins, a dozen eggs = a dozen muffins so scale up or down however you want

What You Need
1 dozen eggs (I like organic eggs because I think regular eggs taste like weak nothing and will probably kill you, but you do you)
Veggies of your choice, finely diced (see list of suggestions below)
Salt/seasoning of your choice & pepper (I like Lawry's seasoning salt)

Optional: shredded cheese and/or diced meat. Obviously this adds more calories to it. I've never added meat because I try to eat a more vegetable heavy diet when possible, and if I'm going to eat meat it's going to be a delicious grilled steak or perfect French cut pork chops, not some sad soggy breakfast sausage. I used cheddar cheese the first time I made these, omitted it the second time and didn't miss it. Up to you, homie.

What You Do
1. Heat your oven to 375. Grease a muffin tin REALLY WELL with whatever spray you have around. You've already finely diced up your vegetables into little pieces, so throw those into the muffin tin all evenly.

2. Crack a dozen eggs into a bowl, add salt and pepper and whatever seasonings you like and beat it with a wire whisk like it stole from you.There should be all sorts of little frothy air bubbles in it. Gently pour that on top of your veggies; it'll soak in around all the spaces between the veggies nicely.

3. Bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes--for me, it's 16 minutes on the dot every time. They will be huge and probably will have run over the muffin pan a bit; chill out, it's not the end of the world. They're going to collapse as soon as you take them out of the oven. Let them cool for 5 minutes, then run a knife around the edges and pop them out onto a baking rack until they've cooled completely. Pack them up into a giant Ziloc bag and toss in your fridge. Grab two each morning, heat in the microwave for 1 minute and voila, low-cal, protein-packed breakfast goodness is served. I nosh on mine around 10 AM with a small glass of Naked's "Green Machine" juice smoothie and it keeps me full and focused until 2 PM.

Veggie Suggestions: My go-to is baby spinach, tomato, red bell pepper and scallions. Once I made a "Sante Fe" type version with red bell pepper, green bell pepper, lots of onion, cilantro and sriracha beaten into the eggs. That was the bomb dot com. Next week I plan to do a mushroom and broccoli run. Zucchini and cucumber have a lot of water in them so don't use those because it'll make the muffins all mushy. Just use your judgement; whatever you'd throw into an omelette you can throw in here.

I'm not a genius, I don't know what the nutritional content of these actually are but a whole organic egg has about 70-80 calories each, and if you keep out the cheese and meat this is ONLY GOOD THINGS that you can stuff your face with and feel awesome about doing it.

UPDATE 09.03.13: I just did a batch with diced baby bella mushrooms, kale and turkey pepperoni since that's what I had in the fridge for this week, and they are AWESOME! The turkey pepperoni only has 70 calories per 15 slices so I used 10 and diced it up finely. It adds a nice kick and richness and some salt too. I'm going to investigate using cupcake liners next time, though, because cleaning the pan every week is a real bitch of a task.

UPDATE 09.16.13: I did a broccoli, mushroom and pepperoni mix this weekend and tried to use cupcake liners. DO NOT DO THIS. The cupcake liners did jack nothing and got all soggy in the fridge and the egg muffin still stuck to that, so...that was a completely pointless endeavor. I'm going to try swinging by Target next pay day for a silicone muffin tin to see if that might be the final solution. (I can't say I cared for the broccoli in the muffins, either, and won't be doing that again.)

UPDATE 10.09.13: My dear friend Momma Bird told me that I should use the foil cupcake liners and remove the waxpaper liner that usually comes on the inside of those. GENIUS! Use the foil liners and spray those with Pam, and the muffins pop out of those much easier and cook more evenly too. 

I probably over-filled them a bit here, but to me it's NBD. You can fill them up to only 3/4 of the way if you want more "pristine" muffins. 

Eat with a glass of this for maximum superhero capabilities. Until lunch, anyway. (DON'T EVEN TELL ME YOU DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE IT'S GREEN. Stop it with that nonsense, you haven't even tried it yet. It's delicious.)

Liquor: Grapefruit Crush

I really don't know WTF is going on right now, it's 90 degrees outside and football is on. Something is not right. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that it's still summer though because I'm not ready to pack away my wedges and white denim shorts yet, and THIS was the drink of my summer: a Grapefruit Crush. I discovered it on a girl's trip with my chickadees Tiny Bird and Lilypad to Annapolis, Maryland at O'Brien's Steakhouse. The bartender there was a barred lawyer, mixing drinks because it paid better than being an attorney, which caused no small amount of anxiety about my budding legal career...but the vodka fixed that.

O'Brien's original recipe calls for Finlandia grapefruit vodka shaken with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice and topped off with Sprite. *I* could never find Finlandia and I forgot about the Sprite until just now, so this is my drink:

Grapefruit Crush
makes 1 refreshing drink

What You Need
Absolute Ruby Red Vodka (I keep mine in the freezer so it's always nice and cold)
1 fresh squeezed pink or red grapefruit, whatever you can find
Ice

What You Do
Throw some ice into a glass (crushed is cool if you've got it). Pour in some vodka, how much you want is probably in direct relation to how your day was. I usually use two shots' worth because I like my drinks strong. Squeeze the hell out of a grapefruit into the glass. Scrape the fruit against the side of the glass and get all that pulpy goodness in there. Don't worry about the seeds, they're just little baby thin white seeds and they won't bother you. You can fish them out I guess but don't make this weird, if you're so tightly wound that you have to do that then you DEFINITELY need this drink. Mix it all up with a long spoon and drink up, preferably giggling with girlfriends or at a pool somewhere. I like this drink because it's so simple you can still make more even if you're kinda drunk already. If you wanna get crazy you can add that Sprite for sweetness or fizz or whatever. I'm sure I'll try it that way next time if I can remember.

Cheers!

Stuff Yo Face

My name is G and I'm a Foodstagram wench. I admit it! 80% of my Instagram feed is the food that I grow, buy, prepare, plate and ultimately stuff my face with. That's why this blog is here, because the shit I make is simple and delicious but not so simple that the instructions for replicating it can fit in an Instagram comment. That's the point of making good food, to share it.

So!

I called this blog "Lekker & Liquor" because I was born and (mostly) raised in South Africa, and "lekker" is a slang word for awesome, cool, righteous and epicly chill, and that's the kind of food I aim to make. And "liquor" because, well, didn't you hear me? I'm from South Africa (and a bit from Germany and a bit from Latin America) and we only drink on days that end in "y". Good booze goes with good food like white on rice and some days there is no sweeter sound than that of ice being shaken up inside stainless steel.

About my kitchen: I lucked out with finding a bomb-ass housemate on Craigslist, TB, who happens to be a kitchen and bath contractor--so our kitchen is AWESOME. This is not normal for a 22-year-old, trust me, I know I'm lucky. Due to my general passion for food and cooking, I also have a few more specific tools and skill sets than the average person my age but whatever, I promise the stuff I make is easily replicable by anyone.

What you won't find here is fancy food photography (come on, please, this is the iPhone generation and Instagram and Picstitch are my friends) or pretentious hipster cocktails with 13 different ingredients, one of which is the tears of the parents who put those kiddies through interpretive dance school or whatever. I am inherently lazy and I like to get the vodka inside me sooner rather than later.

That's about it for now. Bottoms up, amigos!